Chrisley’s Corner – Because why the hell not?

Here at The Dark Match, we joked, pretty regularly, about Chrisley Knows Best, but as with any joke, eventually it’s going to take hold and probably get the better of you.  That’s not a Chrisley-ism but I’m sure it could be.  When Chrisley Knows Best made it’s return a few weeks ago after Smackdown Live, I jokingly set the DVR, and now I’m hooked.  This man is hysterical.  So, as the chief print content editor, I’ve got the authority to do just about whatever the hell I want, so welcome to the newest Dark Match weekly post, Chrisley’s Corner.  Each week, I’ll post one of the amazingly wise Chrisley-isms (I’m going to make that a thing) and then I’ll recap the episode from the evening.

Chrisley Knows Best – Season 4 Episode 16 – September 6, 2016 (New)

Colon All Cards

This is Mama Faye.  I don’t think anyone has referred to her as that in a singular line of thought on the show, but I’ve only seen 6 episodes and I think it rolls off the tongue pretty well.  Mama can be wildly entertaining, some of this having to do with the fact that she’s 72 and drinks a good bit and is a compulsive gambler.  I enjoy people with these sorts of flaws, I relate to them.  There’s also something incredibly relatable about her character, something about it feels like home.  Not necessarily my Mom, but there’s family out there that knows who they are.

When Julie, Todd’s wife, convinces him that he should go with her to get a colonoscopy (read as “USA Network thought it would make for a compelling episode”), Mama Faye is supposed to be their ride to and from the clinic, as you have to go under to “have air blown up your ass” as Todd so delicately puts it.  Instead, she goes to a card game, starts drinking, and refuses to leave because she’s going to do her thing.

This opens up two different storylines throughout the episode, one where Todd has to figure out who should drive them, all butt hurt (I found a way to make that phrase work literally), from the clinic when they’re finished, as well as Todd’s oldest daughter Lindsie (in all her super-bitch glory) scooping up Grandma Faye from her card game and thinking it’s going to be effective for her to be hypnotized.

Todd’s ride to the clinic is fantastic, as he and wife Julie have seemingly been drinking laxatives to soften themselves up for the big blow they’re about to take (can you tell I’m cracking myself up, holy shit, oh my I can’t stop making butt and poop jokes), and have to stop repeatedly to not “sh** themselves” in the car.  At one point, the only bathroom Todd sees is at an adult gifts store, which would have made for some truly funny moments if Julie had actually gone in to do the doo (<– see, I can’t help it).  Younger, ditzier daughter Savannah who is the focus of the repeat episode that followed up the new episode I’m currently recapping, was then tasked with driving her parents home in their weakened state.

They meet with the rest of the family at Mama Faye’s house where she describes hypnotism as feeling like you’re on a beach, and then admits that she doesn’t feel like gambling anymore….that day but she’ll definitely do it again.  She also tells Todd not to depend on her because she’s going to do her thing.

Chrisley Knows Best – Season 3 Episode 6 – June 16, 2015 (Repeated September 6, 2016)

Chrisley’s on Campus

On this episode from last summer, Todd’s daughter Savannah and son Chase have decided to tour a Private Christian Academy in Nashville, and as Todd says, “I’m invited anywhere my children are invited.”

So Todd and Julie are accompanying them on the campus tour, but they stop for lunch in Murfreesboro, TN and lose the keys.  This is when they are on foot looking for a place to stay and end up in a lovely, charming bed and breakfast (you can imagine Chrisley’s face), because they have to stay the night as Mama Faye’s already been drinking and can’t bring them the spare keys until tomorrow morning.  (Did I mention I love this woman?)

They finally make it to Nashville, tour the churchy college, and then Savannah decides to go out for a bit.  Todd, always the trusting and sane father, totally doesn’t buy the visor with the built in black wig and a hoodie to follow her incognito (in his “Unibomber outfit”).  He’s in the bar all of about 2 minutes before he’s spotted and run off back to Julie waiting on him in the hotel to scold his actions.  He just loves his kids.  And it makes for good television for him to be a little psycho.

That covers our recap from the two episodes aired following Tuesday, September 6th’s episode of Smackdown Live.  We’d like to thank the USA Network for finding a way to make Smackdown night just as long of a commitment as Raw, and for Todd Chrisley finding a way to be even more entertaining than that hour of Raw that probably shouldn’t exist.

That also does it for our inaugural post in Chrisley’s Corner, I hope you’ve enjoyed it and you’ll join us next week, same Todd Time, same Todd Channel.