Your Monday Night Raw live stream/recap

Tonight’s Raw Recap/Live Stream is brought to you by Bud Light Straw-Ber-Rita.  Bud Light Straw-Ber-Rita, that shit someone left in your fridge.  Drink it fast enough and you’ll forget what you’re drinking,

Anywhooooooo…….away we go.

As we found out today on Twitter, Shane McMahon is in charge again tonight.  Not only that, but Vince, Steph and H were removed from the scheduled to appear list almost simultaneously.  Don’t read too much into it.  There’s still a possibility it goes somewhere tonight.

RAW begins with Shane, as can be expected.  More thanks for the crowd.  Time to introduce some new blood.  Holy shit!  We’re getting a women’s championship match, a tag tournament for the Tag belts, and Sami Zayn is going to get a match with AJ Styles.  Holy Crap!

KO feels entitled, so Shane set his ass straight, and now he has to face Cesaro to get a rematch for the IC Title.  Hell Yes!

The Jungle Book looks seriously bad ass.

Don’t forget to get your WWE Tapout gear, available now at JC Penney.

Kevin Owens is so much fun in the ring.  Win or Lose, he puts on one hell of a show.

Is anyone else ready to see Cesaro Superman Swing KO?  I sure as hell am.

I don’t know why he’s clutching the shoulder.  Let’s be honest, we’re in a day and age without Kayfabe.  We all know he was cleared because his shoulder is fine.

Cesaro’s strength is unparalleled.  This is not a thing that is lost on the commentary team.

Holy shit, we’re approaching the 30 minute mark.  The show opened with 5 minutes of Shane and 25 minutes of Cesaro/Owens.  That was amazing.  Cesaro gets an IC title match against The Miz.

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Recaps of the Women’s Championship Unveiling.

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Ric and Charlotte….same old same old…..Dr. Phil is talking shit about Ric Flair.  That’s the only segment of television that Dr. Phil has ever won.

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KO is threatening Shane, and likewise threatening Sami Zayn.  Shane just ejected his ass from the building.

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New Day Rocks.  New Day in New Day Socks.  They’re introducing the brackets for the Tag Tournament, which features Lucha Dragons V The Dudleyz to kick it off.  That doesn’t matter at all, nor does any match featuring The Usos, but we got ENZO AND CASS V The Ascension.  Hell yeah.   Oh, and the tourney is sponsored by Booty-Os.

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What the hell is a Todd Chrisley?

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So we’ll kick off, Lucha Dragons V Dudleyz.  Dudley Boyz are literally crushing the Luchadors.  This probably means that the Luchas either win, or its an intentional move to have the Dudleyz look massive going into their second round match against Enzo and Cass after last week.

Lucha Dragons are coming back now, so of course we get the 3D.  Dudley Boyz win.

Why are they still here?  Why do people give so much shit to Big Show but nobody is yelling for them to retire?  Makes no sense.  Go back to facing The Usos so I can skip matches.

ENZO AND CASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Badaboom, realest guys in the room.

So you can pretty much take this check to the bank: Enzo and Cass are about to obliterate The Ascension.

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Tapout gear, as worn by WWE Superstars, now available at JC Penney.  And while you’re at JC Penney, you can undoubtedly walk across the parking lot and grab some Golden Corral, or all the Golden Corral.  It’s an all you can eat buffet, so it’s literally a question of how fat you want to be.

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I’m going to take a 15 minute nap.  We don’t need another, “I’m not a bad guy, I’m not a good guy, I’m the guy” promo.  Oh, wait, I just saved us both the 15 minutes.  So unless someone runs out and stomps a mudhole in his ass, you’re not going to miss much if you want to treat this like an Usos promo.

Oh wow, those boos are so much worse than the ones in Houston.  LA is harsh.

Here comes the three man League of Nations.  Didn’t see that coming, so wow, they threw me a curveball.

And how bad must it suck to be the guy that bought The British Bullhammer shirt in a drunken state at WM32?  Kind of like buying a Y2AJ shirt, I would imagine.

THE WYATT FAMILY IS HERE!  So guess what, we’re getting The Wyatt Family V League of Nations at Payback.  Roman and Bray V 2/3 of League of Nations????  Shane is a fucking beast.  This is awesome.

Follow The Buzzards!

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Commercial break, so prepare yourselves for Pizza Hut/Avengers, some shitty beer commercial, and probably yet another Tapout ad.  Uh…and this Puerto Rican tourism ad is fucking weird, and it made me uncomfortable.

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Uh…Dr. Phil has entrance music?  I’m going to reiterate the sentiments from Jeremy’s Smackdown recap, Natalya’s attire makes me uncomfortable.  I’m glad she’s that confident in herself, there’s just something offputting about it to me.

They couldn’t get Dr. Phil a headset?

I still don’t understand why Natalya has a title match already.  She just lost at WWE Construction Traffic, where she lost in front of a hometown Canada crowd.  There are easily 4-5 people in the Women’s Division that have to be ahead of her in the title queue line.  Unless Bret Hart comes out here in a minute, I’m not understanding Dr. Phil’s involvement here at all.

Charlotte locks her into the Sharpshooter.  Nice move.  They tell pretty solid narratives in this women’s division.  I just don’t know how I feel about this match, honestly.  As much as I didn’t want Charlotte to retain at Mania, do I really want Natalya to hold the title any more?  Charlotte at least plays the heel well.  Natalya doesn’t do much of anything.  Charlotte was tapping, but the official is going to DQ Ric Flair, so Charlotte retains.  The ref was blatantly looking at the tap out when he called for the bell.  I don’t understand these bullshit endings.  It’s just piss poor writing.

WHY THE FUCK IS DR. PHIL HERE????  I mean, on my list of obnoxious people on Earth, he ranks somewhere close to Kanye West.  Like, super close.  They may even be tied for people I have no logical explanation for why anyone puts up with their shit.

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Sami Zayn promo, with AJ.  This is awesome.  Sami is a super face, and AJ Styles is just awesome.  His appreciatively cocky thing is wonderful.

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Usos have a match, I’m going to go do dishes.

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The Phenomenal One is in the ring.  We’re going to skip the Miz/Cesaro promo because I hate the fact that Lady Miz does all the talking now.  Miz is so great.  This is a waste of a phenomenal talent.

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Again, what the hell is a Todd Chrisley?

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I mean, if anyone wanted to send me a gift, I’d gladly take this http://www.rohwrestling.com/apparel/aj-styles-p1-adjustable-trucker-hat

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One of the shining moments of Wrestlemania was most definitely being in the middle of 102,000 singing Sami Zayn’s theme song.  It was an amazing experience.  Like being at Music Midtown a couple years ago when the music stopped and the crowd finished an entire Foo Fighters song while Dave Grohl just watched in amazement.

This is going to be a show.  These guys are incredible talents.  The fact that the IC Title guys are starting to shift that quality of performance into the WHC spectrum is amazing.  I’m really happy with the direction.  I’m sure Shane isn’t actually running things, but as far as I’m concerned if this is what we’re going to get when he is “in charge” then let the shit continue.

We are moving into the 10:00 PM Hour, wonder what other two tag matches we’ll get tonight, we’ve got to get through all 4 of the first round, right?

Neither man has left the mat yet, this is going to go thermonuclear here soon, or maybe the goal is to get both men in the PPV match so they can blow the roof off the place.

While they play the back and forth game, let’s play a game of our own.  Is this AJ Styles or Eddie Vedder?

The Exodus shirt probably gave it away.  But you see where I was going with that.

Here comes the fun.  Sami over the top with the swan dive to the outside.  This is going to be another 20-30 minute match like the opening one.  Nice they’re giving quality performers a good chunk of time in the ring.

This has been a great match.  About what you’d have expected if you found out these two had a match at a non-PPV event, because they’re both awesome.  Sami is hitting him with all he’s got.  AJ is kicking out like John Cena in a match against The Rock.  Styles moves are brutal.  No wonder the Miz lost a ton of teeth.

I think that’s the first time the Calf Crusher hasn’t immediately ended a match.  The Styles Clash is apparently garbage, if Jericho can kick out of it a dozen times, but the Calf Crusher has never seemed to fail before.  Styles hits the forearm, one on one for the title is confirmed.  That’s disappointing.  I’d like to see Sami and Styles get to really cut loose for the paying WWE Network Audience.

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Oh man, Sad Dad Jericho doesn’t have a shirt again tonight.  Does he own a shirt?  Do they pay him so little he can’t even have his own merch to wear to the ring?

Seriously, they started having Reigns wear his Merch because guess what sells it?  That’s right.  Having the superstar wear it.

Anyway, time for a highlight reel, LA Style.  I’ll assume it will have something to do with The Miz.  Can the soundtrack for Payback be Fozzy?  I love that Jericho still has the Ambrose potted plant on the Highlight Reel set.  See, WWE does understand Continuity.

Somebody had to expect this, right?  Hadn’t been any Ambrose for a few shows now, so they had to find a way to get him in here somehow.

Ambrose comes out and asks the tough questions, “The whole world wants to know, what’s up with that scarf dude?”

Can we ask him why he never has a shirt on?  That’s the hard hitting kind of question we want on everyone’s favorite talk show, The Ambrose Asylum.  Canada Vs Cincinnati.  Sounds like a Monster Movie Friday on SyFy.

Ambrose left his plant.

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The weather is not great here.  Don’t know why I’m giving you weather updates, but how many times can I give you the same commercial updates?

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Also, Mick Foley dropped a ton of weight doing DDP Yoga.  I have started doing it.  You should do it too.  I don’t have the kind of weight to lose that Foley did, but still, you can always be healthier.

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The commercial breaks are far more numerous once you cross the 9:30 mark in the broadcast.  It’s annoying, like watching a movie on FX.  You get no commercials for the first 25 minutes, then you get a commercial break every 3:30 minutes.

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WHY THE FUCK IS DR. PHIL HERE?  WHY THE FUCK IS DR. PHIL HERE?

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I’m a proud member of Apollo nation.  Dude is super talented.  I’m really glad they don’t let him talk, just let him wrestle.  He won’t ever be a main event quality talent because he’s awful on the microphone, but in the ring he’s money.

Poor Adam Rose.  Time for you to get the shit kicked out of you.  This match won’t last long.

Yep.  It’s amazing.  I wish this posted in real time, so that you could see me type things five minutes or better before they happen.

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Dear Lord.  Bray Wyatt cut the shortest Bray promo ever and walked part way to the ring, then another damn commercial break.  Why is this broadcast 3+ hours long?  Also, why does the Pilgrim air quote the word Pilgrim in this Subway commercial?  He’s a Pilgrim, I don’t understand.

This LA crowd is seriously hard as hell on Roman.  I am not a big fan of Roman either, but ouch.  That’s harsh.  But it’s LA.  It’s a town of broken dreams, where everyone has a screenplay but they’ve all got to get to their shift waiting tables here soon, so it makes sense.

Bray Wyatt deserves better than the last year or so of his booking.  I have to completely agree with Bray himself when he said he wishes there was a way to hit some kind of reset button.  They’ve been grotesquely wasted, particularly Bray and Luke Harper.  Luke Harper is amazing in the ring for such a massive dude.

Team Weird isn’t getting along great, but they’re completely stomping Sheamus’ ass in the early going of this one.  That’s a feat.  Then again the toughest opponent that Sheamus has had in the past decade is in his ongoing feud against the sun.  That bastard is out to get Sheamus, and the Celtic Warrior isn’t going to give him the opportunity.

I would say the numbers game will come into play with Rusev on the outside, but there are two sweaty bearded guys not at ringside, so who knows.  Could be a decent time for a wild card.  They did just go out of their way to show that Baron Corbin promo video for seemingly no reason.

“Amazing core strength”?  He did one sit up.  Chill out Michael Cole.  Roman throwing a hot tag to Bray Wyatt was very welcome though.  Bray Wyatt is awesome.  Bray and Roman win, Rowan and Sweaty McAssStain appeared to eliminate the number advantage by destroying Rusev.  Rusev did no crushing.

Stare down between Wyatt and Roman to end the show.  Jeremy will update if anything after the broadcast, as he’s sitting in the crowd, probably still booing Roman Reigns.