Ain’t No Party Like An Uppercut Party – Smackdown Recap – May 12, 2016

This week’s Smackdown comes to us from Des Moines, Iowa.  I’m inspired by Matt’s recent Non-linear Raw recap and am going to do my Smackdown recap the same way.

The Creation of a New Tag Team

The Golden Truth storyline.  Nothing puts it better than this tweet:

It also says a lot about last night’s episode of Smackdown.  Not a ton of note happened and what did happen seems like they’re just trying to stretch it out until Extreme Rules.

The biggest and most surprising development of the night was with the Goldust and R-Truth will-they-or-won’t-they storyline.  Yet again (or at least it feels like yet again), we get another Gorgeous Truth Vs. Golddango match with all the trimmings:  R-Truth with his frosted tips and selfie “stick” and Goldust’s attempts at dancing.  Michele is still amused by R-Truth’s selfie stick, so they’re doing something right.

The actual match started with some friction.  Breezey finally seemed annoyed by Truth’s antics.  Ron, Tyler is just not that into you.

When Fandango and Breeze tagged in their partners, that was the last straw.  They met in the middle of the ring.  Instead of coming to blows, they had some kind of Vulcan mind meld and realized, although they are professional wrestlers, they didn’t have the heart to fight each other.  No prize was too great to get in the way of their love.  They tagged in their partners to do the dirty work.  That was the end for The Gorgeous One as he knocked Truth right off the apron.  Fandango entered the ring with Goldust and instead of uniting against the rogue fashion model, Fandango took out Goldust.  Breeze goes for the pin and it looks like a new tag team is born.

I’m surprised something of note happened in this storyline after months and months of this going on.  It’s crazy, really.  On the other hand, it makes sense.  Their characters aren’t that dissimilar and I think they can have a good run in the tag team devision.  Neither one of them were doing anything as single’s competitors, despite both being good wrestlers and committed to their characters.  I wouldn’t mind them destroying Primo and Epico on their return match.  I’m on board for this team.  Any excuse to see the Usos less will be great.

Grade: I give it a “Charles Robinson cartwheeling into a pin count”

Dana Brooke’s Debuts Vs. Becky Lynch

Emma, or Small Gloves McGee as I call her, accompanies the newest NXT call-up, Dana Brooke to the ring.  It’s a weird team but kind of great.

Becky gets a huge pop.  I know it’s Smackdown but I feel like it was real.  Who knows?

I don’t really have much to say for this match.  It’s a strong showing for both and a good debut for a new heel.  Dana executed a couple strange-looking submissions that I don’t think I’ve seen for a while.  The match finally ends when the ref turns his back to scold Dana while Emma pokes Becky in her “injured” eye.  Standard heel interference but a nice bridge pin from Dana.

I’m optimistic on these two going forward.

Grade: “I’d buy that for a dollar!”

Straight Jacket the Lunatic

Smackdown opened with Ambrose cutting a promo on the “Jacket-Tastrophe” (Mauro’s words, not mine) that happened on Raw.  Ambrose claims it was an equal reaction to the destruction of Mitch.  Surprise, Jericho retaliates and straight-jackets Ambrose.

I’ll be honest.  I love both of these guys but this feel kind of flat.  I think part of it is that Ambrose really did have a lot of trouble moving around in that straight jacket and they had way too much time to fill.  When the refs flooded the ring and Jericho left it, we did get one great moment with Jericho standing on top of the announce table.

“I give you the gift of Jericho.  Drink it in, man.”

Grade: An overlong OK promo that probably sounded a lot better on the page than execution.  This promo I can’t say the same for:

A Return to Form from Rusev and Lana

It seems like whatever backstage heat Ru-Ru and Lana had backstage has died down.  It’s a return to form pre-Wrestlmania 31 for our favorite Bulgarian/fake Russian couple.

No regular ring announcer would do for The Bulgarian Brute.  Lana made sure she personally announced the arrival of her fiancé to the ring.  Sin Cara would be his latest victim.  We also had Kalisto at ring side on commentary.  He could use some work on commentary.

The match was fine.  Nothing special.  Lana is no longer helpless, like how she spent the entirety of 2015.  She distracts Kalisto at ringside with some water to the face.  They argue and, instead of Rusev getting distracted yet again, he sneaks up on Kalisto and kicks him in the back of the head.  With the US Champ incapacitated at ringside, Rusev took down Sin Cara and locked in the Accolade for the win.

Grade:

Aiden English Vs. Kofi Kingston

“The Vaudevillians put their noses in our Booty O’s.” – Big E

In a rare singles match, Kofi and English meet.  It’s a shame we don’t get more of Kofi.  He’s a lot of fun to watch.

This was the first time we saw The Vaudevillians without having to watch the Enzo clip again, thank god.

The match was decent.  Neither of their teammates could help themselves from trying to interfere and eventually got ejected from ringside.  Left with no help, English pinned Kingston with the usual hellish maneuver of using the ropes for extra leverage.

Grade: Dancing Kofi

Zayn and Cesaro Vs. Owens and The Miz (with Maryse)

I liked this match but it’s not nearly as good as these four normally give.  The energy of this one felt a little off.

“You better talk good about me, Byron!” he said as he entered the ring.

Zayn and Cesaro established early on that they don’t have the best chemistry working together, a fact that would foreshadow the end.

There was a nice moment early on when Owens was in the ring with Cesaro and he tagged in Zayn. Owens moved to his corner to tag Miz in but Miz dropped off the apron, leaving him to settle it with Zayn.

Cesaro gets in a bunch of uppercuts, of course.

“Ain’t no party like an uppercut party cuz an uppercut party don’t stop.” – Mauro Renallo in the cringiest line of the night but it still somehow works for him.

At one point, Cesaro and The Miz (both the legal man) are in the corner as a Helluva kick flies in, missing Miz and felling Cesaro.  A shocked Zayn gets pulled out of the ring by The Miz while Kevin Owens (now the legal man) hits the frog splash and pins Cesaro for the win.

The Miz executes his revenge on Owens for ditching him in the past with a sweet Skull Crushing Finale.

Grade: 

Some other stuff happened

• Gallows and Anderson fought the Usos in a match where Roman and AJ were banned from ringside.  What that really meant was that Reigns and Styles weren’t at the taping at all that night.  Gallows and Anderson were dominant the entire match until a second wind from Jimmy was cut short by a chair shot from Gallows.
• The followup to the Darren Young/Bob Backland life coach promo was terrible.
• There was a Charlotte and Ric Flair interview with Renee Young.  I’m pretty sure The Nature Boy is always drunk.