WWE Battleground: Plant Your Flag

I’m in my element, maaaaaaaaan, so I might as well drink it in.

I don’t remember how to do the live thing (Jeremy is the technically savvy member of our team), but this will make it even more fun.  Just remember to reload the page after each match, and you’ll see my super high quality wrestling analysis and a level of objectivity you’ve never seen before, like when I tell you I hate the Usos and want Breezango to absolutely mop the floor here.

Let’s do this!!!!!

This live broadcast is brought to you by the team at the Orlando Airport (MCO) Outback Steakhouse team.  These guys are amazing and are literally letting me charge like 9 different devices to make this happen.

The following contest is scheduled for one fall, making their way to the ring at a combine weight of “We won’t tell you what we weigh, it’s rude to ask”: Breezango!  And their opponents, some guys in weird face paint that yell a lot.  What’s up, Uce!

Tyler Breeze & Fandango Vs The Usos

This is that random match that they didn’t announce until like Friday evening.  We didn’t even include it in our prediction post, so allow me to get out in front of it.  I am picking the pretty ones to really carry this match, mostly because I hate the other ones.  Plus I really want Tyler Breeze to finally get a push.  I absolutely loved him in NXT.  His merch would sell like crazy if they’d start putting fuzzy selfie sticks and leg warmers on the shop and at the events.

That was quick.  And thank you, thank you so much for letting the better team here get the win.  Fandango has been loyal for quite a while with absolutely no push whatsoever, so good lord, give the man something.  I’d love to see them pick up steam and get some work in the tag division with Mojo and Ryder.  I think their styles would make for a beautifully worked match.

Side note:  I had a moment with Mojo Rawley last night in Cocoa at the NXT show.  I was decked out, as you can see here:

Holding up my sign as you can see here:

Mojo made direct eye contact (I was in the second row) and gave me the Sammy Sosa and a truly appreciative nod.  It reaffirmed my faith that he is truly appreciative of his place in the wrestling world and with the fans.  So #ThankYouMojo, you’ve already made my day, now go make Smackdown #HypedHypedHyped.

Did I miss anything in the preshow?  

I went back through Twitter, I don’t think so.  Which is weird.  That means Darren Young is actually going to be on a live PPV event in 2016.  Man, we lost Bowie, Prince, and the value of the Intercontinental Title all in one year.  It really hurts to think about.

And while we’re at it, let me apologize.  

I got really upset when I went through the card as it was posted in numerous other sites because it didn’t feature the man who, I can honestly say, has never let me down, Chris Jericho.  His matches may fail to live up, but he gives his all even as he gets older.  He will be on the broadcast, and Jeremy is anticipating he takes an RKO Outta Nowhere.  I don’t want to see that happen, as I’d much rather Lesnar turn up and suplex both Jericho and Orton, not because I prefer Lesnar, but because it will build to his viciousness leading in to Summerslam better than Orton just randomly hitting an RKO on Jericho would do for Jericho.

Wow.  We’re going to open with that?

When I built the prediction post, I didn’t anticipate this being any earlier than the match just before the main event.  Now it’s the opening match of the show.  That’s a disappointment.

And the mystery opponent????

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to the Show Bayley!

Wow.  Charlotte and Dana scouted this match really well (I still live in Kayfabe).  We’re only through the entrances and about a minute and a half of wrestling and they are just on top of it right now.  Well scripted match here.

OH MY GOD!  This could actually mean that we would get to see Sasha and Bayley for the title at Survivor Series in Toronto on The Dark Match “Corporate Retreat” (again, we don’t make a dime for this site and this is absolutely not a corporation).

That was a great match, but as Jeremy predicted, almost spot on, no way the fan favs were going to lose, and Sasha Banks tags Charlotte with the Banks Statement for the win.

Taking a commercial break, Outback in the international terminal closes at 8:30 and they’re going to send me back through security.  See you again in about 20.

We are now coming to you from Home Team Sports Bar and Grill

They are not showing WWE, but I appreciate them staying open during my delay.

The Wyatt Family against The New Day

Sorry my recap here will be short, I was watching on the trolley back past security, then I had to run through the Southwest counter and reprint a boarding pass that wouldn’t already indicate having walked through there.

The opening, with Xavier mentioning that a broken up Wyatt Family will be that much more dangerous.  It really telegraphed just how right Jeremy was here too.  A great match, and Xavier takes the Sister Abigail and the pin for the loss.  These two teams worked surprisingly well together when they weren’t in a field in central Alabama.

I apologize to the family and friends I have in that podunk ass region of the world.

Woo Woo Woo, won’t happen. Wah Wah Wah.

I have not been quiet regarding my love of the Hype Bros, but I also love Ruzev.

Zack Ryder in the Stars and Stripes.  That’s awesome.  Nice touch.  Unfortunately, Titus O’Neil basically came out dressed as Apollo Creed. Didn’t change anything.  I think for the sake of ultimate heel status they’re just going to have Rusev run promos shitting on all of the Americans he’s laid waste to.

I’m claiming credit for claiming that Ryder would get his hits in, because he absolutely did.  And good on the match scripting here because I thought he was actually going to escape the Accolade.

WHAT!!!!!!!!!   Rusev tried to lock it back in after the tap out and my man, MOJO FREAKING RAWLEY comes out to make the save.  Rusev, you ain’t ready for that Hype.  The next Tag Team Champions, The Hype Bros.  Thank God they are both on Smackdown.  I am so happy I switch to the Smackdown coverage on Labor Day.

Good god @Mojorawleywwe did you jump on a plane as soon as you left #NXTCocoa last night to get to DC? @pedialyte, that’s a spokesman

— Matt Dowd (@DarkMatchMatt) July 25, 2016

Yay!  Daisy’s favorite is headed to the ring.

This match is going to end in a double DQ.  It has to.  Now that they are both on the Raw roster, this feud will never f***ing end.  Ever.

I’m running right now until the laptop dies, then I’m plugging it in on the other side of the establishment, and I’ll be back from my phone as I can.  8 Minutes battery life.  I’ll be back as I can toggling around on my phone.

Can’t completely recall, but I think we both expected a KO win. They went a different direction. This is how they got there:

Sami hit a massive suplex on KO on the apron. I thought they both died. Then KO caught Sami when he went for the dive through DDT. While Sami was laid over the bottom rope, KO hit a devastating looking Senton in the corner. Sami battled back, hit a Helluva kick in the corner and caught him, and when it looked like Sami felt bad or guilty, he laid him back in the corner and hit it again.

Sami with the win on a double Helluva kick

Oddly enough, the Women’s Champ isn’t in this spot

Look, if you didn’t think this was in the preshow, you’re lying to yourself.

I do wish it had been something more than it was, but I’m a purveyor of the gimmick match.  These two hate each other.  Give them a damn no holds barred match, give them something, especially if they are this far up the card.

It went like I figured.  Natalya can lose and still maintain the mama bear momentum, but apparently creative doesn’t feel like she should ever have to lose except in title matches.  Sorry fanboys, but seriously.  Build the fan favorite up and comer.  Give her a shot before you just decide to skyrocket Bayley.

Ambrose is in the back to the Smackdown team, and I really appreciated seeing the Daniel Bryan “you are a lot like me” passing of the torch.

WHY IS THIS A THING?

I gave zero sh*ts before, I give zero sh*ts after.

My laptop is back up.  Let’s do something that matters.

Smacktalker Skywalker with a Lightsaber for a Microphone

I’m going to lead this with the fact that I’m terrified they’re going to bury Gallows and Anderson considering the varying splits of the Club.

Look, these guys are absolutely fantastic wrestlers, and if you thought the point was to get them on team Finn and away from AJ, you all missed the fucking mark like crazy.

Anyway, Enzo telling the crowd how much he appreciates Cena is valid.  I think a lot of the new guard should pay tribute, and this is his moment to do that.  Cena is ready to hang the boots, but if you don’t work to get him out, he won’t leave.  He needs to see guys like Enzo ready to take his mantle as the facepiece of the org.

This is a PPV.  Enzo has been given almost 10 minutes already to spew his ridiculousness, that I absolutely love, but seriously, the talent needs to be the spotlight, not the randomly ranted spewings of the cheetah clad bro of the WWE.

I mean, there’s only one word that would describe the Club, and that is a horribly misspelled four letter word, but they still have the most amazing wrestler in the company, at least until the end of the night, so 2/3 of the Club, there’s only one word to describe you, and I’m gonna spell it out….S..O..F..T..

Yes, I spell words.

Cena is still, and will always be, MY CHAMP.

I absolutely love the crowds.  “AJ STYLES-LETS GO CENA”.  I love that the marks have come so much back into the appreciation of Cena that they should have always had.  It wasn’t his fault that the company made him do what he did, but he’s always come out and done exactly what was asked.  And when he did the US Open Challenge, he came out and wrestled some of the most talented men on Earth to make sure the world saw them.  You can’t hold anything against a man that actively worked to get these guys some TV time.  He’s a legend, should be a legend, stop hating the man that knows his time is ending and he’s working, actively, to progress the rest of these guys.

“Witness the new era knocking on the door of opportunity” – John Cena.

I get it, the commentary team wants to play up Cass.  Cass does not have any promo chops.  His “SAWFT” thing would not work if Enzo didn’t pave the entire parking lot for that.

“Let’s go Cena”/”Cena Sucks”

Look, I know that it’s fun at this point to taunt Cena, he even knows it, but if you have half a f***ing heart and that heart is 1/2 committed to WWE, John Cena does not suck.  John Cena is actively working his ass off to get these up and comers going.  Get off his ass.

Nobody takes a beating like Enzo.  He could be a on a team with a Pidgey, and you’d eagerly anticipate the Hot Tag.  (Hell yeah I made a Pokemon joke)

Oh shit, AA to Pele Kick.  I am SO FREAKING GLAD THAT AJ IS ON HIS OWN NOW.

Enzo is hitting some amazing DDTs.  All over the place really.  I can’t even describe them.

Count of 9, if you didn’t think Cena was going to dive back in, again, please stop kidding yourself.  Cena ate a Styles Clash.  Are you kidding me?  See?  In the Super Cena world, he wasn’t supposed to get hit with anything.

Enzo is about to take all the club on his own, Enzo HAS NO DIMES.  ENZO HAS NO DIMES.

Cena is going to win this match.  HOLY CRAP AA OFF THE TOP ROPE.

This is the only way this match could have ended.

If you’ve got a problem with the fact that I absolutely love Jericho, eat a dick, a hard veiny dick, that is going to blast you right in the mouth.  We go PG post this PPV, so yeah, come at me.

Chris Jericho is a legendary master of the mic.  Fozzy may be a pretty terrible band, but when Y2J comes to the ring, he puts on a show.

And again, I will fight you over Chris Jericho.

Now we’re going to watch footage on the $139 Insignia 39″ Jerichotron

AND IT ONLY TAKES ONE RKO TO GET TO VIPERVILLE

And, welcome to Viperville.  RKO Outta Nowhere.

We’re entering that late half hour, so here comes the match that could go either way

Look, I’m not going to give you the same bull***t.  We like two of them, we think one of them should be a champ, we think one of them is an over pushed piece of crap.

I don’t care if they use to be the Shield.  Honestly, when is the last time they were the damn Shield?

And is there really a last time that anyone wanted Roman to be a Champ?

This match was all over the place, and it was great.  They did the typical Triple Threat thing where there was a lot of three man chaos, but usually they were tossing one guy aside and having one on one time between any combination of the three.

It is strange to note that while Dean did manage to retain the belt by pinning Roman, Roman kicked out at 2 following a Pedigree.  Rollins could have landed any number of maneuvers without sullying the good name of the Pedigree by letting Roman kick out.  Anyway…..

And still your WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Dean Ambrose.

Please make the best of it, Smackdown.