Recapping for Summerslam – 2010

I mean, we could probably do an entire 10,000 word post simply about the posted.  For starters, the Intercontinental Champion isn’t even pictured.  The show was live at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.  Jeremy was probably there at the time, but didn’t know to take advantage of his proximity.

Dolph Ziggler (Champion) vs Kofi Kingston for the Intercontinental Championship

For the most part, it’s going to be amazing to watch this broadcast and see peak Jack Swagger and Sheamus considering where they are now, and yet the opening match of the biggest show of the summer is opened with Dolph Ziggler, who will be in the co-main event next Sunday, defending his Intercontinental title against Kofi Kingston, while Dolph’s girlfriend Vicki Guerrero is at ringside.  Yeah, its weird to me too.  I don’t even know what the deal is there and I really don’t even want to go back and find out.  I have a ridiculous amount of love and respect for the legend that was Eddie Guerrero, and I don’t want to find out that she managed to tarnish it in any way.

The Kent State star was actually showing off some truly great submission and technical chops, and Kofi was the exact same Kofi he is now, hitting big spots and putting on quite a show, even if I can tell by the almost offensive logo on his knee pads and trunks that he would have had the terrible Jamaican character had he gotten a chance to speak in this one:

I’m almost offended that they felt they had to go this way with Kofi.  I mean, he’s from Ghana.  That’s legitimately kind of cool on its own.  Like, seriously, he is actually African.  How bad ass is that?  Remember the Nation Of Domination, all of whom were from somewhere in America?  This dude is actually African.  Why would you think the character he needed to be was Jamaican?

In any event, this is in the day of the Nexus.  And yes, Ryback and Wade Barrett were kind of the ringleaders of the Nexus.  Neither of them have jobs now, so……

But the Nexus interferes in the match and it gets no real finish. Heath Slater is there, but much like WWE, I decided to include him as an afterthought.

While we are on the Nexus

I miss Barrett but I cannot in the slightest blame him for the fact that he had to leave.  He’s a phenomenal talent and a great promo guy when they give him the opportunity.  They let the man win the King of the Ring and then just sort of ignored him for years.  I’m glad he left, I hope he finds a promo that appreciates him, or as it will more likely end up, “What is Bade Warrett doing in the Impact Zone?”

I went back nearly a decade and Jericho hasn’t changed at all

And yes, I’m going to drink it in man…..

It’s also heartbreaking to see Edge ready for action knowing that I won’t ever get to see it again.  I go to nearly a dozen live events a year, but none of them will have the Rated R Superstar.

Anyway, team WWE needs a 7th member to take on the Nexus.  So they are trying to recruit The Miz?  I really am lost watching some of this old stuff.

Alicia Fox (was the Champion????) against Melina (Who?) for the Divas Vagina Butterfly Belt

Melina is wearing some straight up Tyler Breeze quality leg warmers.  Also, Alicia Fox has this ridiculous confidence that I haven’t seen since I began watching the program again more than a year ago.  Even when they were Team B.A.D., which you can tell me was Beautiful and Dangerous but I’m fairly certain was also kind of racist because it’s a Vince McMahon helmed company, she didn’t really bring anything to the table.  Probably a victim of being objectified for so long and ignored for her actual in ring talents.

Let me say right now, I want Alicia Fox to get her dues in the present “Divas Revolution”.  This is an era that might actually reward her for the incredibly capable performer that she is, and that she has proven throughout this match.  No one actually reads my posts, but by God, I’m putting it into the universe.  Alicia Fox is an incredible talent that I’ll put on par with Wade Barrett (Stu Bennett).  Please use her appropriately so the world can see how damn talented she is.

Melina gets the win here, but seriously, Alicia Fox needs consideration.  I wish she were on Smackdown, because she’ll disappear on the Raw Roster.

There are two women out to taunt Melina, I don’t know who they are, but they’re currently unemployed so who really gives half a sh**.  Wikipedia now tells me that Melina was on Lucha Underground in 2015.  I’d say that’s something, but I still don’t know who she is, or who these two are.  It really does mean a lot to go back and see how far the women’s division has come, because this is absolutely ridiculous.  It has a significant way to go, but damn, its so much better than this.

Celebrities are at Ringside

WWE does love to flaunt the celebrities at ringside, and they might as well since they undoubtedly give them the tickets none of us can afford for free.

For 2010 Summerslam, Trace Adkins (Honky Tonk Badonkadonk) and Marlon Wayans (White Chicks) were their big celebrities at ringside.

The Straight Edge Society (with someone named Serena) against Big Show (3-1 Handicap Match)

Uhm….That’s Luke Gallows.  I mean, I realize that CM Punk was amazing and now we’re all butthurt that he’s maybe at some point (probably not) going to be a UFC Competitor and now just talks sh** about WWE, but seriously, that’s 1/2 of The Club (its 1/2 now, right?  Now that AJ is on Smackdown?).

It’s no secret that I’m a man who is consumed by nostalgia.  Big Show has been almost as pivotal to my development as a wrestling fan as Chris Jericho.  I remember the match where he lit one up in the corner because he knew he had it in hand.  I think that match was against Sting.  He didn’t care.  F*^& Sting.  He’s 7 foot tall and you can’t teach that….

And I don’t even really believe it, but Big Show literally just won a 3 on 1 handicap match.

The Miz is Awesome

Well, that’s what his t-shirt says.  He also holds the Money in the Bank briefcase and the United States Championship.  So now we’re going to get a promo as to whether he’s going to be the 7th man on team WWE.

The wrestling world took to this Real World jackass awfully quickly, but thank god they did, because he’s become one of the best in ring performers I’ve seen.  His promos, particularly on Miz TV when that Canadian wife of his isn’t around, are some of the best that I’ve seen in the past 2 years.

This promo says that The Miz is the future.  If all he hoped for his future was to be the opening match of an 8 day long Summerslam in 2016 for a title that he managed to destroy the luster of, than yes.  He is indeed the future that 2010 Miz was claiming to be.

Miz is the 7th member of Team WWE, and yet he is playing to the Heel role. So he’s got to get the crap kicked out of him at some point in this show.

Sheamus (WWE Champion, I know right?!?) vs Randy Orton for the WWE Championship

Yes, we’re only through half of this show and the WWE Title is on the line.  WTF was wrong with this company?

Randy Orton is an amazing physical specimen, and at this point in the post I’m sort of worried I’m starting to sound like a confused person.  Look at him, even now, he’s ridiculous.

This match went about as back and forth as could be expected.  Randy Orton used to have this sadistic vibe, like he has Sheamus under the bottom rope for the slingshot move into the bottom rope but he just lets him sit there.  He built anticipation.  Nobody does that anymore.

So Sheamus used a chair because he was tired of the match, and then Orton took over, carrying Sheamus outside and hitting an RKO on the announcers table, and the table didn’t break.  I think he expected it to, but it didn’t.  Oh My.

I’m going to break character here and tell you that my Mom saw that movie and was actually quite pleased with it.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Kane for the World Heavyweight Championship (That “Golden Eagle” Belt)

So, Kane basically slaughtered a weaker and smaller opponent.  I don’t want to act like this wasn’t expected because I know full well that Mysterio was the champ at some point, but he was not championship caliber in this match.  That was a waste of a “main event” match.

The Dead Walk

Undertaker comes out of the coffin that was at ringside for the match.  He has Rey pinned in the corner and asks him why he would have attacked him like he did.  Rey swore he wouldn’t have done such a thing, that it was Kane.

Undertaker stood Rey up, then turned around for Kane, only to have Kane overpower him and hit a Tombstone Piledriver.

Kane was in great shape at this point.  Now he’s not so much and he’s lost a few steps.  When he was first breaking in, he was sort of overweight.  Essentially you can look at Kane as the Rusev career curve.

I wonder how much the lack of this event has had a negative effect on the inner city schools for Los Angeles.

Cena’s Army vs The Nexus

This is a 7 on 7 elimination match.  That’s just a ton of people.

In any event, you know where my allegiance lies:

Seriously, thank you John for owning the fact that you’re from West Newbury, Massachusetts.  Sasha Banks is from California and for some reason wants to claim Boston as home.  Edge is from Canada, doesn’t try to pretend he’s from Pittsburgh, Bret Hart didn’t claim to be from Detroit.  While we’re talking about it, Lana is from Gainesville, Florida.  F*** the Gators.

I mean, it had to be Cena and Bret against the world, right?  They both wear Jorts.

Member Seven ain’t Miz.  Cena told him to take his ass to the back.

Daniel Bryan is the 7th member of the team WWE/Cena.

Holy Shit, that’s Darren Young?  With the Kid n’ Play afro?  I agree with Titus, he was never great to begin with.

So this match is:

Team Cena: Cena, Morrison, R-Truth, Jericho, Edge, Bret Hart, and Daniel Bryan

Team Nexus: Barrett, Ryback, Otunga, Darren Young, Heath Slater, Michael Tarver, Justin Gabriel

I don’t know who Tarver or Gabriel are, and they keep calling Ryback Sheffield. Why has Edge not been tagged in yet?

It’s amazing how much they wanted to build up Bret Hart considering he left for WCW because he was so disgruntled.  Was this one of those “We own you, SOB” moves?

Hart picks up a chair tossed in by Barrett and uses it for a disqualification.  Edge comes in on the hot tag to hit a spear and eliminate Ryback/Sheffield.

Edge and John Cena shouldn’t have been expected to get along, but when Edge and John Cena attacked Cena on the outside, it wasn’t going to help the team.

Daniel Bryan was remaining though so it wasn’t just Cena.

YES! YES! YES!

So Mr. Bella and Mr. Bella remain against Barrett, Slater and that random other dude that they keep telling me is from South Africa.

South Africa isn’t winning any Gold as long as Phelps is in the pool, so screw South Africa.

Daniel Bryan proved early how good he is.  Slater taps to a Bryan Crossface.  Now we’re down to Barrett and Cena against Barrett and that random, but Miz runs out and knocks out Bryan with the MITB briefcase, so now it’s one (Cena) on two (Barrett and Justin something).

You can’t beat those jorts.

Cena with the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Gabriel, but a tag that nobody noticed.  Barrett back in.

“If you’re a fan you’ve got to be rooting for John Cena” -Commentary Team.

Wow, 2010.  How the times have changed.

Gabriel went for a 450 Splash that Cena rolled out of the way of, grabbed him for the pin.  Barrett came in after the pin to attack but gets caught in the STF for a tap out.

What the hell were Cena’s moves called?  I can’t keep up.

Damn, anyway.

If you were simultaneously watching NXT like I was, you saw the Authors of Pain deal out another Jobber ass kicking.  So I felt the need to chime in.  Got a like from @scottdawsonwwe.  Dude is a legit bad ass, and NXT can’t get to an Authors of Pain vs Revival match quick enough.

Ever wonder why they’re called the #AuthorsOfPain? Here you go. #WWENXT pic.twitter.com/h7jph0TeaM

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) August 11, 2016