Recapping for Summerslam – Summerslam 2012

Alright, so, the show kicks off, again from Staples Center in Los Angeles, with a pretty good card.

Dolph Ziggler vs Chris Jericho

Vicki Guererro is at ringside for this one as the manager for Ziggler, who holds the Smackdown MITB (I think, it’s blue, I don’t know how long the brand split ran last time).

Jericho has seemingly lost every PPV match prior to this one since he returned in January for 2012, so it was a big deal.

This match went back and forth a great deal, and both wrestlers really put on quite the show.  While it seemed that a distraction from Vicki would lead to a Ziggler win, Y2J dodged a lunge and turned it into a really vicious looking Walls of Jericho, and won by submission.

Daniel Bryan vs Kane

First, why in the hell is Kane wearing a mask that resembles the Predator on his entrance?  Makes no sense especially since he takes it off to perform and is wearing his usual mask.  And then, why is Daniel Bryan turned off by the Yes! chants considering that’s the only real thing he’s got working for him?

There’s some storyline working here where they were both dating AJ Lee.  For those that aren’t familiar, this is AJ Lee:

Makes sense.  This match is probably about the last time that Kane was really Kane.  Now he’s sort of moved into the Big Show territory where he’s older and he’s moving slower, but he’s still going out there and giving it the best he can.

Bryan, still fighting the Yes! chant, went off the top rope for the headbutt, only to get caught midair for a chokeslam.  Kane went for a chokeslam but Bryan fought him off and rolled him up for the win.  Lackluster.  Especially since we didn’t see AJ Lee.  I mean, see above.

Ray Mysterio (dressed as a Mexican Batman) vs The Miz (C) for the Intercontinental Championship

So The Miz had been gone for a bit filming that cinematic masterpiece that was The Marine 3.  Mysterio is a year removed from having a WWE Title shot on Raw the night after SummerSlam 2011.

Both of these guys are talented performers, but something about this match was just boring as shit.  Also, who thought a headbutt was a high flying finisher?  At least the flying elbow looked impressive.  Something about just laying out and faceplanting seems lame as shit in retrospect.

Miz got the Skull Crushing Finale when he dodged the Mysterio flying headbutt thing, and retained the Intercontinental Championship.

Alberto Del Rio vs Sheamus (C) for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

So, there’s this weird almost Oompa Loompa looking Mexican that is “Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer”.  He has terrible fucking hair, so I’m not even going to look up his name.

Did this thing work for people?  Wealthy aristocrat from a 3rd world nation?  I don’t get it.  Why would this be a good idea?

He’s in better shape now (2016) than he was then.  He was kind of a floppy mass back then.  Sheamus was still just s fucking pasty, but he was also a hell of a lot more entertaining.  Just significantly more energy.

This was a pretty good match, and it opened up my mind even more to what a Cesaro and Sheamus best of 7 tournament could be, and Sheamus hit the Irish Curse Backbreaker for the pinfall even though the official didn’t see ADRs foot on the rope.

Kofi Kingston and R Truth (C) vs The Prime Time Players for the WWE Tag Team Championship

Uh, so yeah, Kofi and R Truth were tag champions, and the Prime Time Players not only go back this far, but were the number one contenders for the Tag Titles.

I’d tell you it was entertaining, but I don’t know, I can’t and haven’t ever been able to care when the Prime Time Players were in a match.  They’re like the Usos for me.  I don’t give a shit.  Anyway, R Truth hit a Lie Detector on Darren Young for the victory.

Yeah, Big Show was in a Championship Match.  This is a year removed from the Champion vs Champion Cena vs Punk match in 2011.  I don’t know what the story is, and honestly, it doesn’t change anything.

Big Show basically dominated the match, but when both Punk and Cena fought back and locked Show in submission moves simultaneously, AJ Lee forced the match to continue.  Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment on Big Show, but Punk tossed him outside and got the pinfall on Show to retain.

Brock Lesnar vs Triple H

This is probably the first time I’ve remembered someone kicking out of a Pedigree.  But it’s Lesnar, and he’s more protected than any finishing maneuver.  This match goes back and forth a bit in a very violent fashion, but a Pedigree for a two count, then a Kimora lock with a rope break, then a Pedigree again for a two count and a second Kimora lock later, Triple H had to tap and the Beast Incarnate was still just as protected as he’s seemingly always been.

Dude is a part timer.  Let him lose.  Do not let this shit happen to Orton on Sunday.