WWE No Mercy 2016 (A Smackdown PPV) – We Bet Our Careers on these Predictions.

I wish it were a joke, but that is the promotional image that they’ve been pushing for a month already for this event.  Like seriously, that’s worse than the 80’s Buddy Comedy image you keep using to promote the Triple Threat Title Match that I can’t seem to find on the intern….oh there it is.

At least I can reconcile the fact that while it looks weird (and AJ looks like one of the other two just farted), it’s not a f***ing cologne ad.

Anyway, No Mercy is live from Sacramento, California on Sunday, October 9th.  I’m still trying to convince Jeremy to drive up the coast and catch it live, but that is one hell of a drive, and we’re heading to Toronto a month later.  But let’s break down this card and see if maybe, just maybe, we can score some points for my Fantasy Team, which has limited representation but 2/3 of the main event, which inevitably means that Ambrose will win the belt and I’ll just be SOL.

Mountain Dew Kickstart Kickoff Program

Will Renee Young be wearing a choker?

Matt:  Absolutely, now that I’ve noticed she has one on nearly every time she’s visible on camera, I can’t imagine her not having one on, and when she doesn’t, it sort of freaks me out a little bit.

Jeremy:  Yes.

Which Match will feature the Shucky Ducky Quack Quack prediction?

Matt:  I’ve got to think that this one gets used for the Orton vs Wyatt tilt.  Booker likes talking about Bray Wyatt, he actually gets so excited I half expect him to do a Spinarooni on the commentary table.  This will get your Shucky Ducky Quack Quack.

Jeremy:  I’ll go out on a limb and say that he’s excited for the Lynch/Bliss match.  He’ll be straight fire for Becky.

Kickoff Show Matches:

THIS SUNDAY, @TheCurtHawkins will be stepping into the ring at #WWENoMercy! #SDLive pic.twitter.com/tp3b3fYcWT

— WWE (@WWE) October 5, 2016

Curt Hawkins vs Unnamed Opponent

Matt:  For a man that hasn’t seen the ring yet, Hawkins has sure eaten up a lot of TV time with his goofy antics.  Notice their usual space filler, Kane, is missing from the card.  They send the Demon to the ring, Hawkins will win on some sort of weird roll up finish or something.  More than likely they’re going to have him face one of their guys stuck in midcard purgatory, like Apollo Crews, and he’ll pick up the win.  Poor Apollo Crews.

Jeremy:  If they could get James Elsworth on a plane to Sacramento, I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up being Curt’s mystery opponent.  Otherwise, I think it will be Kane’s first loss in a year.  Seriously, he hasn’t lost since he lost to Rollins in Hell In A Cell.  Curt Hawkins wins.

The Match I’m Just Assuming is in the Preshow – Baron Corbin vs Jack Swagger

Matt:  This one is 50-50.  While they seem to be trying to find a way to push Baron Corbin, they’re just failing miserably at it.  But they’ve also made a point of tossing Jack Swagger right into the fray since his move from Raw to the blue brand.  I’m going to assume this match doesn’t actually happen, that Corbin does one of his trademark outside the ring beatings and hits an End of Days on the floor.  They’ll meet again, more likely at TLC than at Survivor Series but just because they’re going to cram SS full of part timers, like the rumored Goldberg-Brock Lesnar match, which is an odd thing to go ahead and do in Toronto instead of holding it for Mania.

Jeremy:  Ugh.  Who cares about Swagger?  I know they’re trying to push Swagger for some reason.  I’m going with The Lone Wolf.  Hopefully they’ll have something better for Corbin at TLC.  I doubt either of these guys will be on the card at Survivor Series, unless it’s a Survivor Series match pitting the Per Show low card guys of each brand against each other because…why not?

WWE NO MERCY 2016 Probably Presented by KFC Chik’n Littles and Jacked Colonel Sanders (oh yes, the image will follow, when you least expect it)

Nikki Bella vs Carmella

Matt:  I don’t generally pick matches like this, but I’m completely indifferent on who wins this one.  I’m ok with both outcomes as long as it is just a straight forward match where both women get to highlight how good them can be in the ring.  I don’t want another two minute women’s match, but as long as they get their ample time to shine, I’m good either way.  I’m picking Carmella, mostly because I think she can be great in this women’s division with the right push, and this could be the first step towards that.

Jeremy:  Carmella gets it.  Clean.  She absorbs the heat from the win and gets that real push.  I still think she’s a little green but hopefully she can run with it.  Maybe Naomi shows up to help Nicki and a new program is started?

Smackdown Tag Team Championship: Rhyno & Slater vs The Usos

Matt:  I think the feel good story comes to an end here, and Rhyno & Heath will drop the belts.  Being the first of October, Rhyno will likely need to get back to Michigan to round out his election campaign, and Heath got his double-wide, his above ground pool, and a contract so he can feed his kids, so I’m sure he can go back to being a solo act, as Rhyno just comes out to Slater’s music anyway.  The Usos will pick up the win because they’re going to have to start working towards this heel Usos team defending against face teams like American Alpha, Hype Bros, etc., and it will open more doors to get the rest of the division, like the Ascension and Breezango, on camera more as they build towards future title defenses and competitors.  The Usos, probably dirty.  

Jeremy:  I think it’s a low probability that Beauty and The Man Beast retain…but…they know we think that.  Sometimes they go against what’s expected, like every time we The New Day are finally going to drop the belts.  But, Heath and Rhyno beat the Usos to beat the belts.  If they go over again, it reduces the heel Usos to another Anderson and Gallows.  I think the only way The Usos lose is if they get a DQ.  And they somehow get another shot two weeks from now on Smackdown to win the titles on TV.

But this probably won’t happen.  The Usos are your new tag champions.

Smackdown Women’s Championship: Becky Lynch vs Alexa Bliss

Matt:  First, don’t think because of where I listed this match on this prediction post that I don’t think it deserves to be higher.  I think there is a lot more at stake in the Miz-Ziggler match, they build Orton as a main attraction like Raw does with Lesnar, and there’s nothing going to bump that main event any further down short of this match being put in a steel cage.  I like Alexa Bliss, but there isn’t any chance in hell that Becky Lynch drops this belt this soon.  This match will be a good one, but the Lass Kicker, barring an injury audible, is going to keep that belt for quite a while.  I would even expect her to keep it until at least TLC in Dallas, mostly because I don’t see many of the brand specific belts changing hands at a merged card event like Survivor Series.  Becky will Dis-Arm-Her

Jeremy:  I love Becky but I actually think she’s better as the forever underdog.  I think there’s a chance that Bliss does something sneaky here, that the ref doesn’t see, and takes the belt as a result.  I think it’s a 40% chance that this will happen.  Not a huge chance, but I think they want to keep us on our toes.

Otherwise, I expect Becky to retain with a Dis-Arm-Her.

Intercontinental Championship vs Career: The Miz vs Dolph Ziggler

Matt:  I’d have just expected Ziggler to lose this one as he has so many matches already this year, not because he didn’t deserve to win, but he’s become glorified development talent at this point.  He’s great, he’s consistent, and I’ve picked him damn near every time he’s been on a card since we started this site (6 Man Ladder at Wrestlemania not included, as I did pick Ryder).  When the career went on the line, it pretty much guaranteed that Ziggler will win, and I wouldn’t put it past them to have Daniel Bryan help him in some way, maybe something small like banning Maryse from ringside, or something larger like distracting the ref while Ziggler superkicks a chair through Miz’s moneymaker.  In any event, Ziggler wins, gets the Intercontinental Championship and gets to keep his job.

Jeremy: I actually think Miz goes over, clean.  Why?  People will be talking about it for weeks.  As to what the actual consequences are, we’ll have to see.  Remember, this is the same company where Shane was supposed to disappear forever after losing the Hell In A Cell at Wrestlemania 32.  Instead, he failed upwards and is now the Commish of the illustrious blue brand.  I think Ziggy loses and either goes heel or perhaps he really does want to move to a backstage role?  I think there’s more possibilities with him losing than him winning the IC title.

The Battle to Determine Who is More Frightening, a Viper or a Cult Leader – Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt

Matt:  I hate that the injury kept this match from going ahead and taking place last month, sometimes the build to these Bray Wyatt matches just seem to take way too long and entirely too much TV time.  Take Smackdown from the 27th for instance, where they cut to Orton’s goose chase through the backstage area 4 times during the show.  Just too long, even if we got the creepy payoff with Orton putting the sheep mask back on and singing “whole world in his hands” while Michael J. Fox manned the camera.  Ok, that joke was in poor taste, and I apologize to our two readers if either of you are offended by jokes regarding the twitchy nature of Parkinson’s Disease.  Orton is going to win, as I predicted last month, and it’s going to come on an RKO Outta a Sister Abigail, The Viper is the Only Face of Fear….until Brock Lesnar appears again.

Jeremy:  Sigh.  Bray Wyatt is an annomaly but not in the way he’s been presented.  He’s an upper mid-card jobber.  A rare specimen indeed.  There’s no way, after getting his head bashed in by Lesnar, that Randy isn’t getting the win here.  RKO from Orton for the win.  The only way this doesn’t happen is if Luke Harper makes a return to mess things up.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat: AJ Styles vs John Cena vs Dean Ambrose

Matt:  My heart is with John Cena, but my mind is telling me that AJ Styles retaining is the safest bet.  I actually envision The Champ That Runs The Camp holding this belt for quite a while.  Cena is going to get his 16th, and probably his 17th and you know what, he’s damn earned it.  That Talking Smack segment wasn’t a joke, the man gives every minute of his life to further the reach of the WWE.  He learned Mandarin to be the company’s face in the Chinese market, you know, the one that holds damn near 1/4 of the world’s population.  He doesn’t get to rest, even when he takes a “break” it’s to be “WWE Superstar John Cena” on American Grit, or in an Amy Schumer movie, or to further the counterproductive Total Bellas/Total Divas in the midst of the Women’s Revolution.  AJ Styles will retain, and if you didn’t notice that I neglected Ambrose entirely until now, there’s a reason for that.  Ambrose shouldn’t have even ended up in this picture.  He got the push because they wanted to really upsell the Shield Rivalry a few months ago, it was nothing more than that, and after he’s lost this match, hopefully they will slide him down the card and let him retool his boring ass move set and figure out exactly who his character is, because at this point I don’t have a clue and neither does he, like they are doing with Roman.  AJ Styles will pin John Cena for the win because Ambrose is entirely inconsequential in this match

Jeremy:  I expect this to be a great match.  Having Ambrose in the match really just ensures that Cena can’t win.  Dean has a chip on his shoulder (really the best version of that character), John has a problem with Ambrose, and AJ is going to take advantage of it.  I actually don’t think AJ will pin Cena.  Cena will get Ambrose with one of those Super AAs, AJ will hit knock Cena out of the ring and get the pin.

I tried to warn you:

Final Thoughts:

Matt:  Cena won’t get #16 until April 2nd, both because he’s leaving again to film American Grit and because it means more at Mania.  I may actually turn the show off if Ziggler loses.  Talking Smack has been fantastic for building to these ends at No Mercy though, so kudos on WWE for actually making something like that work to better the brand.

Jeremy:  This is really a can’t miss card for me.  The only thing I’m not excited about is what’s probably going to be the Kickoff match.