“Good God almighty! Good God almighty! That killed him! As God as my witness he is broken in half!” – Hell in a Cell 2016 Predictions

The Raw Brand gets the steel cage, and all the carnage that goes with it, October 30th from TD Garden in Boston, Mass.  They’re really going to have to pull out all the stops to top Smackdown Live’s No Mercy PPV, and start to build some momentum moving towards the dual branded Survivor Series in Toronto mid-November.

The Hell in a Cell Kickoff Show presented by Kay Jewelers and Mattel

I don’t know that it’s going to be presented by these two, but with Christmas swiftly approaching, it’s a safe assumption.  Time for them to start airing the Usos jewelry shopping commercials so that wrestling fans can be completely uncreative for the holidays this year.

Our illustrious kickoff panel will be in action in the 7 o’clock hour (ET), but we won’t make predictions about them this time because last time we got no Renee Young choker and no Shucky Ducky Quack Quack.  Disappointing.  And as such, you know where I’ve got to put them…..

Kickoff Show Match:

Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado, and Sin Cara Vs. Tony Nese, Drew Gulak, and Ariya Daivari

Matt:  I am actually a big fan of Lince Dorado.  While Tony Neese is the premier athlete here, I don’t think they’ll let the face team drop this match, as I see a bunch of heel wins down the rest of the card.

Jeremy:  I like guys in this match but Raw somehow has really been wasting this.  I think it would be more important for team Nese, Gulak and Daivari to win but I expect the babyfaces to pull off the win here.  I think it has something to do with the fact that people know Sin Cara and will cheer him.  But my answer to that is, “RICH SWANN, ALL NIGHT LONG, RICH SWANN ALL NIGHT LONG!  Yeah, he’s not in this match but I love him.

Hell in a Cell 2016

Enzo and Big Cass Vs. Gallows and Anderson

Matt:  Considering the end of the Cesaro-Sheamus team has to be coming soon, and the New Day are going to have to have believable competition in about a month when they’ve broken that record, I see Gallows and Anderson taking this one.  They’ve got to be built up, and I’m just not feeling the way Enzo and Cass are booked, like ever.  Cass was in the damn fatal four way for the Universal Title, like…what the hell happened?  They were way up on these guys right out of the gate and it seems like for all of Enzo’s effort, they just keep squandering any time they start to build momentum.  Gallows and Anderson

Jeremy:  With Bray actually winning matches now, Vince needs someone to fill the spot.  That’s where Gallows and Anderson come in.  They’ll look tough and threatening on TV.  When it’s time to work a PPV, they’ll get a clean loss, most likely a pin to Machine Gun Karl Anderson.  It’s unfortunate.  These two can benefit more than anyone to be on Smackdown.  You could play down The Club and AJ.  Just have them do their thing.  Anyway, I expect Anderson to eat the pin here in the first match (if it’s not the Charlotte Sasha HIAC match) to get the crowd pumped.

Bayley vs Dana Brooke

Matt:  I’m going to make one of my random predictions here and say that Nia Jax comes down and lays waste to both women, no clear winner here.  While this pairing works on so many levels, there is so much groundwork already in place for Nia Jax to finally step out of the female Braun Strowman role and into a feud with Bayley.  They worked great together towards the end of Nia’s NXT run.  Since this probably won’t actually happen, I’m going to say Dana focuses on the injured shoulder to build to scrappy Bayley fighting through it and hitting a Bayley-To-Belly for the win.

Jeremy:  I think Bayley is going to lose this.  I think they want to get more heat on Dana and what better way to do that then have Dana do more nasty shit to The Hugger?  But, Bayley will have a second wind and it’ll look like she might pull of the win.  I expect this program to go on a few more weeks simply to fill TV time.

The Odd Couple vs The New Day for the Raw Tag Team Championship….probably not in the cell

Matt:  They’re making too big of a deal of The New Day getting this close to Demolition’s tag title record for them to drop it just before it’s eclipsed, so I see The New Day picking up the win here, Cesaro and Sheamus getting some sort of one-off match a few weeks later and then Cesaro moving to the Blue Brand.  New Day retains.

Jeremy:  New Day retains.  Cesaro and Sheamus alliance will come to an end once again.  yawn.

THE Brian Kendrick vs TJ Perkins for the Cruiserweight Championship

Matt:  Kendrick is getting a hell of a build here, and I find Perkins sort of boring, honestly.  I am to the point where I’m going to root for whomever in the match doesn’t Dab at every opportunity.  The Wizard of Odd is your new Cruiserweight Champion if only briefly while the rest of the division is in the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic.

Jeremy:  I think TJP can be good but this storyline works best if Kendrick holds the belt, even if just for a couple of weeks.  He is one of the best heels in the company right now.  Everything he does, from his attitude to his moveset, is undecidedly heelish.  He should be rewarded for that.  Plus, he can be a fighting champion and get real sympathy for all the faces.  Some of them clearly need it.  The top three Cruiserweights that are doing well on the main roster so far are:  Kendrick, Swann, and Nese.  TJP is great, he just can’t get the arena crowd behind him yet.  I think he has “it” but just needs a little more time to develop it on the main stage.  So Kendrick wins after he does something sneaky.

Roman Reigns vs Rusev for the United States Championship and Lana’s Dignity….inside Hell in a Cell

Matt:  This one should be good.  Last year, Roman and Bray Wyatt put on a show in the cell, so I don’t expect this one to go any differently.  I don’t see Roman dropping this belt for a while, which sucks for Rusev because that will sort of leave him in limbo as they don’t seem to want to push him any higher on the card than this, even if they’re main eventing Raw every other week.  Roman wins in an incredibly violent match, probably setting himself up to be captain of Team Raw’s Men’s Team for Survivor Series, as I’m imagining the lower card belts (US and Intercontinental) aren’t defended on account of all the other stuff they’re squeezing on the card, and Ziggler and Roman would be good team leaders.

Jeremy:  The Roman/Bray match from last year’s HIAC was probably the real highlight of the night.  It was brutal and violent and everything a HIAC match should be.  I expect this match to be no different, including the outcome.  I won’t lie. I want Rusev to win back the US Championship but I feel like Roman’s humiliation tour has come to a close.  He’s going to retain here.  The only possibility that he doesn’t is because he’s done with the mid-card and is in the Universal Championship scene again.

Sasha Banks vs Charlotte for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship….well, no sense raising the cage just yet

Matt:  I won’t lie to you.  At this point, I really don’t care who wins this match I just need this feud to change.  Sasha is a terrible face, she really is.  It doesn’t work.  Her cocky legit boss character doesn’t function in a good guy role, and she’s not a strong enough actress to carry herself in the spot either.  That’s why she was significantly better on NXT and she’s been shaky outside of in ring competition since she got called up.  A lot of people seem kind of on the fence about whether they should allow the women to compete inside the cell.  I’m all for it, but I’ve been calling for a Women’s MITB match for over a year now, and I think a ladder match is more dangerous than they’d allow a cage match for these two.  You know you want to see Charlotte hit that corkscrew moonsault off the ladder.  That would be epic.  But no, Sasha, no dives for you, we’d rather not watch you die.  Initially, I predicted Sasha winning, but honestly, I think Charlotte takes the belt back.

Jeremy:  The build to this match has been horrible.  It shouldn’t be history for history’s sake.  The only reason that it needed to be in the cell was because they hated each other so much that it had to be the culmination of the story.  History just needed to be a bi-product here.  That being said, I think it’s the most important HIAC match on the card.  They could have just done so much more here to build a story.  I think Sasha is the winner here.  I’m really undecided on whether it’s via heelish tactics or not.  I’ll just let Matt speculate on that one.

Kevin Owens vs Seth Rollins for the Universal Championship…..yep, three matches inside the cage.

Matt:  First, I do not want this match inside the cage.  I think the cage will take away from what these two can do in the ring.  Also, the cage would all but eliminate the thrill of hoping for a Triple H interference of some sort.  They’ve got to get to the inevitable Triple H vs Rollins match somewhere down the line, probably either at Royal Rumble or a lengthier wait to it at Wrestlemania.  Mania makes sense, as H is in Orlando so freaking often it would probably just be the most convenient, but he did tease that he’s going to be at Royal Rumble in some capacity.  But since I have no control, it is in the cage and I think Owens retains in this continued maneuver to get Rollins to full face mode.

Jeremy:  If anyone is doing any kind of interference tonight, it’s Jericho.  JeriKO is teetering on the edge of implosion and it’s going to happen either tonight, or right before Survivor Series.  I expect Owens to retain somehow but it’s going to be dirty.  Everything is legal in the match but I still expect something terrible.