What the hell just happened? – Survivor Series Recap

So we are a touch behind, but The Dark Match went international for Survivor Series and it took a couple of days to get going again.  Unlike the last time the event occurred in the Great White North, there were no screwjobs here, just confusion. Let’s get straight to this, maybe you can help me make sense of it.

Brock Lesnar is the Monster, the Beast, the one that broke the Streak. Goldberg hit two spears and a Jackhammer and that was it. The entrances for both men was longer than the match. Does Lesnar have another UFC fight coming up and he just wanted this finished? I’m terribly confused. What the hell just happened?

Going into SS, we both predicted that Smackdown would take the Tag Team match and lose both of the “Singles” matches. Damn, were we wrong. It’s undeniable that the Smackdown Tag Team division is significantly better than Raw’s. When New Day was the first team eliminated, it seemed like Smackdown would just blitz through that match and pick up the win. That didn’t happen. And we half expected that The Usos would be the team that won the match, but they ended up eating the pinfall.

The Women’s Match opened the show, which I thought was strange, considering they main evented the last PPV. Charlotte didn’t get the win, which was the expected outcome, but rather everyone’s favorite darling Bayley got the win, pinning Becky Lynch, then taking a hell of a beating from Charlotte. I’m glad they’ve set this feud up already. I am so tired of Sasha Banks. Listening to her talk is the worst part of Raw, and there are a lot of bad parts of Raw. They need to let Bayley go after the belt for a bit, then have Sasha turn on her and be heel. Her character is not a functional face. It just isn’t. That’s why she worked so well on NXT. She was the bad guy to the ever lovable Bayley. They’re going to get back to that, probably by Wrestlemania, and thank the wrestling gods for that.

SHIELD! They’ve teased for a while now that they were going to reunite the Shield. Last night, they gave it to you, as Dean Ambrose came back out following his elimination to Triple Powerbomb AJ Styles through the announcers table in classic Shield fashion. Shane McMahon may be dead. He was midair going Coast to Coast and ate a ridiculously brutal spear. Roman Reigns didn’t get the win in this match. Smackdown did as Orton took a Spear to save Bray Wyatt, leaving Wyatt open to hit Sister Abigail for the victory. Braun Strowman was eliminated by count out when little James Ellsworth grabbed his feet while hiding under the ring. He went through a table at the top of the ramp for his efforts. But hell comes for those who betrayed team Smackdown, so expect Undertaker to enter into a feud with Dean Ambrose.

The Intercontinental Championship is still on Smackdown, as The Miz won on Maryse distraction. Maryse rang the bell while Sami Zayn had Miz in the Figure 4, making Sami think that he had won so he broke the hold. Miz got the roll up while Sami didn’t think the match was going on for the win.

The Brian Kendrick is still the Cruiserweight Champion after nobody’s favorite Baron Corbin came out of the crowd and beat the living hell out of both competitors. So I’m going to ask my opening question, what the hell just happened? This was like Bizarro WWE booking.

If you care, Kane beat Luke Harper in a preshow match, and in six man tag action the Cruiserweight Division got some screen time, and the team with Rich Swann got the win.