Monday Night Braun – A Raw Recap for 4/17/2017

I think I’ve probably used this title before but I’m too lazy to check, much like the WWE writers.  Today we’re in one of those Ohio cities that starts with a “C”.  I’ll let you take a guess.

Strowman Vs. Angle (A match I didn’t know I wanted)

Braun starts off Raw gloating about murdering Roman last week to raucous cheers and applause from the Ohio State University (there’s your first clue!).  Maybe shouldn’t mention murder on live video?  See, even the Dark Match can make topical references in our weekly recaps like WWE puts in pop culture references into their shows!

Back to Raw, The Monster Among Men intends to tear through the rest of the roster but Kurt Angle isn’t having it.  And despite the reported separated shoulder, Angle granted Roman a match with Strowman at Payback.  Sure, it’s only an injury that kept Wade Barrett on the shelf for four months, but whatever.

Braun wants to know what’s next for him tonight.  He wants a challenge.  He wants Raw to be his yard. Our beloved GM informs him that he should be suspended but just tells him to take a hike for the night.  Strowman warns Angle not to play the same games that Foley played.

Kingslayer Vs. The Destroyer

Seth is out on commentary for a match with Jericho and Samoa Joe.  Some highlights were an incredibly fast Powerslam from Joe, a kind of reckless looking Lionsault from Jericho, teasing the Walls of Jericho, and finally the finish.

Joe submits Jericho in a Coquina clutch.  Afterwards, Joe calls out Seth, who was on commentary, and describes in vivid detail the sounds of his tendons snapping.  Joe wants to avenge Stephanie and Hunter, his benefactor.  WWE Creative Humor brings up an interesting point though:

Don’t try your logic on us!

The Hot Tag

Hey look, there’s the Drifter playing guitar backstage.  I hope this goes on for several more weeks but it probably won’t.  He should also be on SmackDown but he wasn’t.

Oh hey, Goldie and Truth haven’t seen them in a…and there’s Braun to destroy them.  Looks like Gallows and Anderson don’t have a team to face?

The Good Brothers are forced to make the United reference instead (“Braun gave them the United treatment and now we’re on standby.”) Luckily, Enzo and Cass answer the call.

This match seems like it’s a study on the hot tag, with Anderson and Gallows keeping Enzo far away from his team’s corner.

Anderson slammed Enzo on the top ropes and rolled up Enzo for the win.  I’m not even really sure if that description is right, really.  Here’s the video:

The Good Brothers then high tail it out of there before Cass can get revenge.

Miz TV

Dean-o is here to pander to the “C” city crowd.  At this point, you’d think that he was in his home city of Cincinnati, but you’d be wrong.  I’m going to spoil it for you, dear readers.  They are actually in Columbus.

Miz fires back calling Dean lazy and complacent, squandering his #1 draft pick to SmackDown and WWE Championship at Summerslam to barely being on the Wrestlemania card 6 months later.  He’s basically piggybacking on what Stone Cold said months ago in their “podcast.”

Dean fires back. He’s the hardest worker in the WWE after all.  It’s the same response he normally gives.  He’s not wrong and I like the fire he has in his delivery.  I just wish he was like that 80% of the time.  Sometimes when you’re overworked in your job, you just can’t give 100%.  It’s great that his style allows him to work as much as he does but maybe he shouldn’t.

Like all Miz TV segments, it ends with the guest attacking Miz.

Meanwhile…

Braun throws Kalisto in the dumpster like the trash he is. Big Show evens the score and blind slides him with a shoulder block and sets up a main event of Strowman Vs. Show.

Fatal four way for #1 contendership for the Raw Women’s championship

As you might guess, the key here is to keep Nia busy so she can’t just dominate the three other women.   That works for a bit. Mickie and Sasha feed Bliss to Jax and fight one-on-one for a bit.  Nia makes her way back to the ring and dominates.  Luckily she doesn’t drop anyone on her head this time.

Alexa Bliss takes advantage of a Samoan drop from Nia to Sasha, dropkicks Nia out of the ring, and gets the pin and becomes your new #1 contender for the Raw Women’s Championship.

Jeff Hardy Vs Cesaro

Hardy seems to get injured early on in the match.  It looks like he tweaks his shoulder.  The thing I love about Jeff is that he looks like he should have been dead several times over with all the dangerous moves he does.  He’s also great at selling.  I almost fall for it but I realize they wouldn’t let Cesaro attack Jeff with endless uppercuts if it was a real issue.

Jeff eventually lands a twist of fate and a Swanton for the pin.

Afterwards, Cesaro and Sheamus shake hands with Jeff and Matt for a show of respect.  They’ll meet in a Tag Team Championship match at Payback.

Strowman vs Show

I’m going to cut to the chase here.  This match is only about one spot.  The match that Show and Strowman had a couple of months ago was actually really good.  This one wasn’t.  It was about the Superplex spot.

After months of Big Show teasing a Superplex to a big man, we got our wish.  Show didn’t get his though.  After teasing it three times in the match, Strowman hit Show with the Superplex instead.

It’s not a spot that happens often but there it is.  It’s the famous ring collapse spot that we only get every five years or so.  Poor Generic 2K17 Referee Referee John Cone who seems to take the worst of it with his fall to the floor.

Everything Else

• Dash Wilder fractured his jaw on a live event and this will cause The Revival to be out of action for 8 weeks.  Bummer city.
• In a proxy match, TJP and Jack Gallagher face off.  And what do I mean by that?  Neville has taken a newly heel TJP under his wing.  Although Jack Gallagher isn’t really Aries’ protege, he’s out there to support him.  The match is basically a proxy match for their own upcoming PPV battle.   While Aries and Neville are busy on the outside, Perkins uses the distraction to hit a detonation kick for the win.
• Titus is still on TV.  He tries to get Apollo to join the Titus brand with some really bad puns.  It’s amazing that they’re committed to this guy.
• It’s fun to see Matt Hardy slip in an out of his Broken mannerisms.
• Curt Hawkins issues another open challenge to come visit his “star factory”. Balor answers. I guess he isn’t really hurt?  Balor quickly takes out Hawkins with a Coup de Grace.
• Dulé Hill is in to promote a WWE film he’s in.
• The Drifter drifts through a Y2J interview and makes it on the list.  Maybe we don’t
• Bray delivers his Sermon for the Snake from his fog closet.  Still no clue what this House of Horrors match actually is.  I think there’s a torture rack, skeletons, and zombies involved.  This is either going to be the worst or best thing ever.  Probably worst though.
• Emma sabotages Dana’s friendship with Alicia Fox in a segment that I don’t quite understand.
• Heath Slater and Rhyno are on TV, BABY!  Luckily they’re spared Braun Strowman’s wrath.