Book ’em, Dean-O – A Raw Recap for 4/9/2017

We’re in London at the O2 arena.

Tonight doesn’t matter

You might be thinking, “What?  What makes this Raw lesser than any other?”

That’s a fair question.  Maybe I’m the only one that thinks that the shows at the O2 feel like a glorified house show.  Perhaps it has to do with it not being live but it just feels like nothing really counts tonight.

I love the crowd though, except for that kid in the Seattle Seahawks shirt standing in the front row the whole time.  There are some people behind you that would like to see!

Co-General Managing

Dean is out first with a special announcement:  Kurt Angle has named him GM for the evening.  But wait…there’s more.  Miz comes out to reveal that he was named co-general manager by the still absent Stephanie McMahon.

Before they can really get at each other, Braun comes out with his arm in a sling and demands another match with Roman Reigns before he goes on to face Brock Lesnar…sometime.  Kalisto, in an effort to remind us that he still exists, shows up to gloat that he beat Braun in the dumpster match.  But he’s mad that he was unfairly beaten and put in the hospital after the match ended.  With the luchador’s spot on the card, he can’t afford the deductables of his insurance for a second time.  Thus, he waited until they got to the UK so he can get some of that free healthcare if something bad goes down.

Braun claims he can beat Kalisto with his arm tied behind his back, so Dean books it.  And he’s not done, he then books a match between Bálor and Miz, much to his disappointment.

So basically this Raw boils down to The Miz and Ambrose’s impending Intercontinental title match.

The Matches

• Finn Bálor defeats the Miz – After Balor stumbles into the ref.  Miz, as co-general manager, calls for ref to rule it a disqualification.  Dean, however, restarts the match banning Maryse from ringside.  Finn quickly unleashes a couple of dropkicks and seals Miz’s fate with a coup de grace.  Miz, of course, is not happy.  He books a match with Ambrose and Bray Wyatt to close out the show.
• Sasha Banks kinda defeats Alicia Fox – I’m not sure if this is a botch but Alicia Fox’s shoulder slipped out from the pin.  It could have been unintentional.  Commentary didn’t ignore it and called the ref’s ruling final.  I’d expect a rematch next week.
• Seth Rollins defeats Samoa Joe via disqualification – After Rollins attacked Joe backstage earlier in the show, either Miz or Dean booked this match because…kayfabe.  Rollins accidentally exposed the turnbuckle and Joe capitalized, drawing the DQ decision.  After the bell rang, Joe locked in the Coquina Clutch until Rollins passed out.
• TJP defeats Jack Gallagher – I’ve got to say, I love the new direction of TJP.  You had to play the “I loved wrestling so much that I was homeless” angle following the Cruiserweight Classic.  He’s not a great face though.  He excels with that mean streak.  And when Gallagher showed up late last year, he proved what a Cruiserweight face should be.  TJP gets the win her with a fistful of tights, basically exposing Jack’s ass to hard camera.  That’s not a gentlemanly thing to do.  Austin Aries appears to make sure there’s no post match funny business.
• Braun Strowman defeats Kalisto – I mean, this wasn’t actually a match.  After claiming he couldn’t compete, the bell rang and he nailed Kalisto with a couple of huge kicks.  Roman Reigns, bandaged up himself, shows up to answer the insults from earlier in the show.  Braun Strowmen falls to a trio of Superman Punches.
• Alexa Bliss defeats Mickie James – Backstage, Nia tells Bliss that she appreciates the respect that Alexa gave her last week and asked for a title shot after the Bayley rematch at Backlash.  Alexa, clearly nervous, see’s what she can do.  Until then, Nia Jax vows to be her best friend to ensure her title shot stays safe.

  James, on hearing the news, enlists her own best friend, London’s girl Bayley.  James took early control of the match until Nia tried to trip her up, allowing Bliss to get the pinfall.  Bayley chased Alexa backstage while Nia stayed behind to put Mickie on the shelf for a little bit.

• Tag Team Turmoil – I’m not really a fan of these matches personally.  I’m just going to list what happened.
  • Cesaro and Sheamus defeat Enzo and Big Cass
  • Cesaro and Sheamus defeat Rhyno and Slater
  • Cesaro and Sheamus defeat Anderson and Gallows
  • Cesaro and Sheamus defeat The Golden Truth to become #1 contenders.
• Bray Wyatt defeats Dean Ambrose – Ambrose seemed to control most of this match until Miz decided to distract Dean ringside, trotting around with the Intercontinental Championship.  After diving out of the ring, Miz retaliates by hitting Dean with the Championship belt.  Bray finishes off Dean with a Sister Abigail as Miz announces the winner to the crowd in attendance.

Final Thoughts

None of the stakes seemed very high tonight.  Perhaps they’re holding back as it’s taped and they know they’re getting a lower rating.  I’m not sure, really.  What are your thoughts?