Live from the Fifth Dimension – Smackdown Live Recap – June 13, 2017

So, between the fact that tonight’s show is live from New Orleans and I’ve had roughly 3 hours of sleep in the past two days, this could get weird.  No, The American Nightmare Cody Rhodes did not make his return to WWE.  I did a Google Image search in hopes of a single “Insomnia” photo to put herein, but now that I’ve seen this greatness, I’m going to torture all of you with it as well.  What the hell, let’s do this!

AWWWWWWWW NOLA!!!!! Don’t you dare be sour!

First, in case I wasn’t clear, I’m beyond thrilled that The New Day is back.  Tonight was a clear reminder of why.  The trio came out with The Soul Rebels playing them to the ring.  I’m also absolutely ecstatic that the rumor mill is buzzing that the brass at the E are all really high on The Fashion Files.

Second, because I can’t say it enough, I HATE THE USOS.

Third, BREEZANGO!!!!!!!!!!

So we kick off tonight’s show with 8 man tag action as The Puerto Rican Tourism Board teams up with The Usos to take on The Fashion Police and the pairing of Kofi and Xavier of New Day.

Fandango is pretty damn good in the ring.  At one point, I was going to do a write up about how good I think Breezango is and was trying to find examples of his talents in the ring, only to find that the internet wrestling community, as they usually do, shit all over him pretty much his entire career.  That Tornado DDT he has been hitting of late is an absolute beauty.

Can we just address the elephant in the ring….Why did they think it was a great idea to put the word Colon on a bunch of stuff?  I mean, The Shining Stars was bad, but this just lends itself to mockery.

Commercial Break:

Why is that lady in bed, staring at the ceiling in full makeup and everything at 2:25 AM?

And we’re back….The Bad Guys had taken over coming back from the commercial even though they were getting slaughtered going into it, but it wouldn’t last.

The New Day wins via pinfall over The Colons (tee hee).  If the way WWE has written most go home shows in their history holds true, we’ve foreshadowed a loss for The New Day at Money in the Bank, and we have to endure more Day One Is H.

The Stuff in the Middle:

• JOHN CENA WILL BE BACK ON JULY 4TH!!!  Recognize.
• Sami Zayn is a basket case.  I love it.  Not as much as I love listening to Elias Samson shit on every town they go to, but I love it.  He discusses strategy with his six-man tag partners AJ and Shinsuke, and by discusses I mean hijacks the conversation with random trains of thought.
• Mojo Rawley accepts that he came up short when given an opportunity last week, but he’s thankful for having the opportunity and he’s ready to bounce back and springboard forward.  OH SHIT, THE BROSKI IS BACK!!  Zack Ryder is back and they’re ready to capitalize on that unfinished business (having been named Number One Contenders for the Tag Titles by winning the same match that Ryder blew out his knee during).
• Naomi takes on Tamina:  Tamina is horribly boring.  I don’t know what else to say.  I get that she’s a legacy, but she’s boring.  Lana is at ringside for the match.  Is Tamina secretly Rusev in a wig?  No such luck.  Tamina was in control for the majority of the match, pretty much the standard monster booking, but Naomi picks up the win.  Following the win, Lana attacks her from behind and then hits a Sit-Out Fisherman Powerbomb (I don’t know how else to explain it).  It was impressive.  I hope she wins with the Accolade.

• This is a really weird website, and I wish I could say I’m sorry for that.  I’m actually really proud of what we’ve built here.
• The Maharaja is in the ring to talk about how Randy Orton fears him.  I really wish they would let the Bollywood Boys go back to being the Bollywood Boys and actually competing in matches.  They’re wildly talented performers.  Instead they’re in half unbuttoned silk shirts carrying rugs…..Anyway, Orton’s music hits and the Singh Brothers head to the ramp to greet him, so Orton comes through the crowd and lands the RKO Outta Nowhere on the Maharaja.

• The Genetically Superior vs The Queen of Harts:  I know what you’re thinking, Charlotte is “The Queen”, but that would have just sounded redundant.  You know how this match goes because you’ve seen it several times as it is, but this was a pretty good installment in the series.  Both women are given their spots, and they take advantage of them because they’re both good at what they do.  At one point Natalya had a beautiful Surfboard Stretch locked in, one that I really saw no reason for her to break.  But, Charlotte’s just better, and she’s just unbelievably athletic.  Charlotte wins via Natural Selection and the pinfall.
• The Fashion Files – Another gem!

Your Main Event – 6 Man Tag Team Match

I feel like this was the inevitable go-home matchup for a six man match at the PPV.  You know how this match will play out, just like you knew what you’d get when Natalya was taking on Charlotte.  You’ve got six men heading into a big time match this weekend, so they each have to get their opportunity to look good tonight so they appear to have some momentum.

Ziggler looked really good here, not that it should surprise anybody.  Ziggler has consistently been good for years, and I thoroughly appreciate the oversells because it reminds me of watching The Rock eat a Stunner and flopping around for ten minutes before settling down for the pin.  And JBL has been calling him his favorite since the six were announced.  I don’t know that he’ll get the win, mostly because it seems unlikely for him to have another world title run of any sort, and because it’s either going to AJ or Nak.

Sami Zayn gets the pinfall over Baron Corbin, so he’s pinned him 3 times now.  Ziggler and Owens act heelish and attack the victors, taking out Sami Zayn and AJ Styles with a ladder.  Then Baron Corbin came back in to take out Owens and Ziggler.  Corbin sets up the ladder and goes for the briefcase, but Shinsuke gets back up to knock the ladder over and set Corbin up for the Kinshasa.  Nakamura heads up and closes the show with the briefcase in hand.

Not a bad show, now time for this before I come back tomorrow for super loopy NXT/205 Live recaps: