Quest for #BrokenBrooklyn – A Raw Recap for 7/10/2017

Greetings Dark Matchers!  Ehhh.  That was weird.  I was just trying it out.  Tonight’s Raw comes to us from Houston, Texas.  It’s the Great Balls of Fire Fallout show.  Hold onto your butts.

A Little Too Harsh

First, I just want to apologize for my recap last night.  I was way too harsh.  It was a damn good PPV.  And sure, I’m assuming that WWE is just going to ignore Roman’s attempted murder of Braun Strowman after he lost clean but…damn.  That Ambulance match.  It was something else.

And I gave a lot of shit for them booking Joe to lose via One F5, but word on the street is that Brock was extremely happy with Joe.  I hope Brock wants to work with him again because all it means is dollar signs.

Spiraling Out of Control

The New #1 Contender

Angle had a segment to personally congratulate Brock Lesnar for his successful Universal Championship title defense and was looking forward to booking his appearance at Summerslam.  The Advocate wasn’t all too happy about that.  He’ll show up for Summerslam if he feels like it.

Roman, fresh off his attempted murder last night, show up to reassert his right to face Brock at Summerslam just because he retired The Undertaker (probably).  Brock says it best though, “You don’t deserve shit!”

But Joe is not through.  Joe’s music hits and for a brief moment Brock looks frightened.  Joe goes toe to toe with Brock and claims that Heyman knows that Joe is going to be the one to dethrone Lesnar.  He know that he has his number.  Angle, trying to avoid any altercation, steps in between his two formal rivals from WWE and TNA.  Roman, smug as always, asks Joe if he has his number like he did last night?  Joe, fired up, wasn’t too happy with that.  And of course there’s that little matter with Reigns losing to Braun in the ambulance match too.  Roman, like the serial killer he is, asks if anyone has seen Braun lately.   That’s cold Roman.

To solve this mess, Angle books a #1 Contender match between Roman and Joe next week.  And Joe reminds Roman that he still hasn’t beaten him.

I’m guessing Brock stumbles out of the night to make things difficult for Roman next week…

Secret Texts

It seems like we’re getting an answer to the Kurt Angle mystery next week.  Is Jason Jordan Angle’s bastard son?  Is he having a secret affair with Dixie Carter?  Is Corey Graves behind all of it and taking over as the GM next week?  Who knows?

A Little #Broken and #FTR

The Hardy Boyz tease the WWE Universe that they are not just a novelty act and will not become OBSOLETE!  And yes, they are a little battered, a little #BROKEN.  The Hardy’s are laying it on think.  I really think they must be close to some kind of agreement with Anthem.  Either that or they’re bigger teases than when Bálor was teasing us about his Raw debut.

The Club challenges The Hardys to a match, which they accept.  It’s a hard fought match which ends in a Magic Killer and win for the Good Brothers.  And then The Revival return officially to the main roster (they had an excellent match on Main Event a couple of weeks ago) and deliver a Shatter Machine to the Hardy’s.

I’m guessing the Quest for #BrokenBrooklyn is basically a string of Matt and Jeff being beaten down for weeks.  It will be the entire tag team devision that breaks them this time and not just Jeff’s spot monkey ways.

Serious question:  Are they the only faces left in the devision?  I guess Slater and Rhyno count, right?

Ain’t Gonna Be No Shield Reunion

The Mizzies are taking place tonight because nothing says award season like the oppressive heat of July.  Let’s do this.  There are three awards and four of them.  By the way, Bo Dallas looks like a rejected background actor from Sons of Anarchy.  Matt tells me that this is his Marine 5 look…so I guess it kind of makes sense.

No surprises here.  Curtis and Bo share the Mizzie for best supporting player.  Maryse wins for Best Leading Lady.  And the winner of best leading man is…Dean Ambrose?  No, just a fakeout.  Miz is just messing with everyone.  Of course it’s him.  But you see, Miz is a little upset about not being picked to be the cover star for 2k18 and insults Rollins because of it.

And just because Dean is locked in an eternal struggle with, he comes out to try to get a piece of Miz once more.  Dean’s not the brightest bulb in the…bulb box but he is persistent.  He immediately gets beaten down by the Miztourage until Rollins, upset by Miz’s insult shows up to even the odds and clear the ring.

After the commercial break, Dean and Seth are walking together but Dean makes it clear that he didn’t need his help.  “Ain’t gonna be a mini-Shield Reunion.”  He can fight his own battles and he still doesn’t trust Seth.

Rollins, coming off the Three Stooges eye poke loss to Bray Wyatt the night before, gets a Great Balls of Fire rematch with the Eater of Worlds.  Cory Graves wants us to know that Rollins has a scratched cornea and shouldn’t even be in this match.  Seizing on that knowledge, Bray injures the eye again and hits a Sister Abigail for the win.  I was a little surprised.

The normal pattern is 50/50 booking for Wyatt.  If he wins on the PPV, he loses the same match on Raw the next day or vice versa.  They’re switching it up, even if it’s sort of a lame finish.

Sensing a blinded Rollins, Miz and the Miztourage are back and ready to continue the beat down.  But despite Dean’s words earlier, he was there with a chair to attack The Miz and his goonies.

Who knows what will become of Roman next week but Reigns would make it a 6-man tag…

Everything Else

• The Cruiserweights!
  • I kind of hate myself for turning that text purple.  Doesn’t it draw you out of this recap?  Pay attention Sports Entertainment Overlords.
  • Akira Tozawa and Cedric Alexander defeat Neville and Noam Dar.  Tozawa pins Neville clean because…eh.  I don’t know.  Tozawa repaid Neville by crotching him on the ropes just like Neville did to him.  A Senton bomb seals the deal after Cedric took out Noam Dar.
• Finn Bálor handily defeats Elias Samson with Coup De Grace.  I’m glad this happened on Raw and wasn’t shoe horned into Great Balls of Fire.
• Braun Strowman was nowhere to be found since disappearing into the night in Dallas.  I have money on him interfering in the Brock and Joe match next week.
• Sasha Banks and Bayley defeat Alexa Bliss and Nia Jax – Bayley gets the roll-up in a decent match.
• Goldust directs a reboot of his match with R-Truth.  He puts the finishing touches on his new masterpiece with The Final Cut.
• Big Cass claimed he would be your future WWE Universal Champion.  Big Show wasn’t too happy about that and man handled Cass until he retreated.  Are we getting a Big Cass Vs. Show match at Summerslam?  It honestly feels a bit more like a Raw match to me.