Democracy (And Wrestling Too) – Smackdown Live Recap – July 25, 2017

So here we are, another Tuesday, only this is not just another Tuesday.  Today, the New Health Care Bill got a small victory, which is upsetting or reassuring depending on what side you’re on (I have faith in my readers).  So we’re going to do two things here.  1) We’re going to follow WWE’s lead, only we’re going to do it correctly.  If we’re going to pitch the idea of America vs The World, we best damn prove our superiority at something.  202-224-3121 is the number for the United States Capital Switchboard.  The operator can direct you to your elected representatives, whom you need to reach out to and start pressing them to actually represent you.  Honestly, I don’t care what you tell them, just make your voice heard.  At the end, I’m going to link you to the breakdown of the health care bill they decided to talk about, which restricts coverage for preexisting conditions like being a rape victim or having been pregnant before.  I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but the fact that you actually have to wonder should be a pretty big indicator to you, and 2) We’re going to cover some wrestling.

How Fitting an Intro Segment

We open our show in Richmond, Virginia with the New Face of America (x3) who won a rather controversial matchup at Battleground that some are convinced was a botched spot.  You’re never going to know if it was or wasn’t.  And by all rights, he was going to have another match against AJ at Summerslam either way because…booking.

Kevin Owens wants you to know that this feels right, and that he won’t defend in front of redneck trash like the residents of Richmond.  AJ comes out right on cue, ready to demand a rematch.

WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Y2J is in the house.  And you know what happens when you try to cut in front of Y2J for a shot at the United States Championship………AJ Styles, You just made the list!

That’s right.  You have two opponents, at the same time, in front of the rednecks in Richmond, Virginia.

• Alabama: Richard Shelby (R), Luther Strange (R)
• Alaska: Lisa Murkowski (R), Dan Sullivan (R)
• Arizona:  John McCain (R), Jeff Flake (R)
• Arkansas: John Boozeman (R), Rom Cotton (R)
• California:  Dianne Feinstein (D), Kamala Harris (D)
• Colorado:  Michael Bennet (D), Cory Gardner (R)
• Connecticut:  Richard Blumenthal (D), Chris Murphy (D)

How About Some Rematches, Eh?

We’ll kick off the obligatory rematch festival that is the fallout show for Battleground with Baron Corbin and Shinsuke Nakamura.  I’ve got a bone to pick with the end of this matchup from Sunday more than any of the others, because they didn’t have to go there.  Corbin is officially solidified as a P.O.S. heel character.  The low blow was lazy, and both of these guys deserved better.

Just before the commercial, Shinsuke started to go for a Kinshasa on the outside of the ring, but Corbin laid him out with a brutal clothesline.  During the commercial break, Corbin carried the majority of the offense, but we came back from PuppyMonkeyBaby just in time for Nakamura to turn it around.  Corbin would briefly regain it but inevitably, he’d would eat a Kinshasa.  Nakamura via the Kinshasa and pinfall.

• Delaware:  Tom Carper (D), Chris Coons (D)
• Florida:  Marco Rubio (R), Bill Nelson (D)
• Georgia:  Johnny Isakson (R), David Perdue (R)
• Hawaii:  Brian Schatz (D), Mazie Hirono (D)
• Idaho:  Mike Crapo (R), Jim Risch (R)
• Illinois:  Dick Durbin (D), Tammy Duckworth (D)
• Indiana:  Joe Donnelly (D), Todd Young (R)

Round 2…..Fight

Yeah, that image is from this match, so I’ve already spoiled it.  But you know that’s going to be a hot tag.  That face she’s making waiting on that tag is absolutely terrifying and Lana should have simply bowed to the queen and forfeited, rather than risk losing her head.  She tags out pretty quickly, and Tamina takes the majority of the thrashing, but she makes the unwise decision to tag herself back in and gets obliterated.  Can you imagine how bad a team of Lana and Tamina were in the ring?  Are they intentionally not letting Lana be any good so she can just be the new Eva Marie?  Where is Eva?  Anyway, Charlotte pins Lana for the win.  Tamina verbally assaults Lana after the match for losing it for them, like it was really all her fault.

• Iowa:  Chuck Grassley (R), Joni Ernst (R)
• Kansas:  Pat Roberts (R), Jerry Moran (R)
• Kentucky:  Mitch McConnell (R), Rand Paul (R)
• Louisiana:  Bill Cassidy (R), John N. Kennedy (R)
• Maine:  Susan Collins (R), Angus King (I)
• Maryland:  Ben Cardin (D), Chris Van Hollen (D)
• Massachusetts:  Elizabeth Warren (D), Ed Markey (D)

I want to punch something, damn it

The Modern Day Maharaja wants to beat the hell out of somebody other than Randy Orton.  I can’t say that I blame him.  So, he’ll likely have to face Randy Orton again.

Jinder is solid.  He wasn’t to begin with.  I’m a big fan of Jinder’s now, especially after I read this article about him and his work ethic, how he took being cut from the roster, the diet and workout he went through to get back.  I’m a big supporter even if I have to live with the blatant xenophobia and stereotyping.

And who should answer the call…….I don’t know, I couldn’t see him.

Yeah, I tickle myself sometimes when I’m writing these.

John Cena wants the belt, he wants #17, he wants the Trumpets.  But he’s met with something a little different, he gets The Valkyries.

Daniel Bryan wants Cena to have to earn it, and next week, John Cena will be in a Number One Contenders match……..with SHINSUKE NAKAMURA!!!!!!  So Cena is going to put Nak over, then Corbin is going to cash in.  Hell yes.  Summerslam just got so much more exciting.  Here, have some more Senators.

• Michigan:  Debbie Stabenow (D), Gary Peters (D)
• Minnesota:  Al Franken (D), Amy Klobuchar (D)
• Mississippi:  Thad Cochran (R), Roger Wicker (R)
• Missouri:  Claire McCaskill (D), Roy Blunt (R)
• Montana:  Jon Tester (D), Steve Daines (R)
• Nebraska:  Deb Fischer (R), Ben Sasse (R)
• Nevada:  Dean Heller (R), Catherine Cortez Masto (D)

Yeah, I guess that works

Kevin Owens confronts Shane in the back.  He’s going to drop the belt tonight and face Shane at Summerslam, where I assumed Rusev was going to face Shane after making helicopter crash jokes.

Aiden English sings for a bit, but really serves as little more than a hype man for the Kanellis tandem.  Barf.  But at least we’re getting Dillinger some screen time.

English and Kannelis carried a lot of the offense, taking it to Sami Zayn.  This match felt incredibly fast, as Dillinger came in with the hot tag, then Sami hit a blind tag and landed a Helluvakick to pick up the win over Mike Kanellis.  Zayn-Dillinger Are Victorious

• New Hampshire:  Jeanne Shaheen (D), Maggie Hassan (D)
• New Jersey:  Cory Booker (D), Bob Menendez (D)
• New Mexico:  Tom Udall (D), Martin Heinrich (D)
• New York:  Chuck Schumer (D), Kristen Gillibrand (D)
• North Carolina:  Richard Burr (R), Thom Tillis (R)
• North Dakota:  John Hoeven (R), Heidi Heitkamp (D)
• Ohio:  Sherrod Brown (D), Rob Portman (R)

Ohhhhhhhh Richmond…..The Usos are pissed

Yeah, if you tuned in for a celebration for your world famous three time tag team champs or to feel the power, you were going to be disappointed.  The got the crap beat out of them by The Usos before they even go through the Big E intro.

• Oklahoma:  Jim Inhofe (R), James Lankford (R)
• Oregon:  Ron Wyden (D), Jeff Merkley (D)
• Pennsylvania:  Bob Casey Jr. (D), Pat Toomey (R)
• Rhode Island:  Jack Reed (D), Sheldon Whitehouse (D)
• South Carolina:  Lindsay Graham (R), Tim Scott (R)
• South Dakota:  John Thune (R), Mike Rounds (R)
• Tennessee:  Lamar Alexander (R), Bob Corker (R)

The Return of Jericho…Welcome Back, Mannnnnnnnnn

Look, even if that finish was botched on Sunday, who cares.  This is awesome.  I love the effort the put into the United States Championship sometimes.  Cena did it with the Open Challenge.  Owens brought it back to the light, AJ Styles is their main event guy on Smackdown, and if you were going to have Jericho coming back, hell yes it makes more sense to put the belt back on Owens Sunday.  If that was an audible, whoever thought to make that phone call needs a bigger office.

If they were thinking of doing a multi-man match for the United States Championship at Summerslam, make it this exact match.  Holy crap, the three of these guys together in the ring is magic.  This thing was all over the place, but in the end, AJ Styles pulled a quick one, waiting for Kevin Owens to hit the big splash on Chris Jericho, then threw Owens to the outside and picked up the pinfall on his own.  AJ Styles is the new United States Champion.

Owens went nuts and destroyed the announce table, then threw a few chairs around.  Before the show concluded, he got a microphone and talked about how unfair the situation was.  Kevin Owens is now demanding that he get his rematch in singles competition next week on Smackdown.

• Texas:  John Cornyn (R), Ted Cruz (R)
• Utah:  Orrin Hatch (R), Mike Lee (R)
• Vermont:  Patrick Leahy (D), Bernie Sanders (I)
• Virginia:  Mark Warner (D), Tim Kaine (D)
• Washington:  Patty Murray (D), Maria Cantwell (D)
• West Virginia:  Joe Manchin (D), Shelley Moore Capito (R)
• Wisconsin:  Ron Johnson (R), Tammy Baldwin (D)
• Wyoming:  Mike Enzi (R), John Barrasso (R)

Reactions in the Moment:

All things considered, this was a damn fine bounce back from the mess that Battleground was.  I legitimately enjoyed this entire episode, even the remotely unnecessary tag match there in the middle.  Good job, E, good job.

The Important Part

So again, 202-224-3121 is the number for the United States Capital Switchboard.  Find the name, call the number, make your voice heard.  Remember the purpose of a Democracy.  And if you feel like calling and asking for Republican Senators Susan Collins of Maine or Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, thank them for seeming sensible and voting against this thing.  Sorry, I can only pretend to be so objective.  This is a wrestling site site after all, and you’ve never really heard me be objective before so I won’t start now.

As I said, here is a link to the Bill itself, for you to fact check my “ludicrous claims” from above.