The Show for the WWE Nerds – A Summerslam 2017 Recap

Summerslam comes to us tonight from the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York.  Jeremy is covering all the Raw matches and Matt is handling all the 

The Kickoff

The Hardy Men & Jason Jordan Vs. The Miztourage

Here we go.  First match of the nigh.  Side note: Bo Dallas’ Gold jacket is the best.

We need to talk about how they should have opened the doors way earlier.  There’s 12 people in this arena.

The Hardys and Jordan control the match to start off the match.  Jeff goes for a Swanton but halts his attempt as Axel pulls Dallas out of the way.

We go to commercial for some reason.  Why not do that split screen thing they like to do on SmackDown?  I don’t get it.

When we come back from “commercial”, the Miztourage are running the board.  A Twist of Fate from Jeff attempts to keep them at bay but it’s ultimately unsuccessful.

Jeff tags in Jordan, the freshest man, who goes to town on the Dallas and Axel.  Miz makes a sneaky tag and is able to hit a Skull Crushing Finale for the pinfall.

The match was whatever.  Jason Jordan didn’t get booed so…that’s a win?  No, Jason Jordan heel turn so I didn’t get my wish.

Now it’s time to tag in Matt for some Cruiserweight action!

Neville Vs. Akira Tozawa (c) for the Cruiserweight Championship

Akira Tozawa came out aggressive, which is the only way for you to be believable when you’re going to have the upper hand against Neville.  Tozawa did have that upper hand for quite a bit of this match, but in exactly the right moment, The King would get the knees up to reverse the flying senton, then land the Red Arrow and secure the pinfall.  Neville is now and shall forever be The King of the Cruiserweights.  Long Reign the King.

The Usos Vs. The New Day (c) for the SmackDown Tag Team Championships

The New Day bring “The Power Lineup” of Xavier Woods and Big E, with Kofi at ringside with his hair on point as part of the ND tribute to DC Comic’s Red Lantern with their entrance and ring attire this evening.  The Usos were quite strategic in this one, using ring positioning to capitalize on Xavier Woods and keep Big E out of the match.  Xavier Woods landed a rollover facebuster (best way I can describe it) to break free and get to E in the corner for the hot tag.  Xavier would get tagged back in and lift E up onto his shoulders (yes, I typed that right) and slam him down for a flapjack on top of Jay Uso.  Oddly enough, would only get two.  Jimmy would then slap the blind tag, coming in to land a double spinebuster on Langston.  Xavier with a blind tag would come in for a double team sideslam into a backstabber, but also only got a two count (this move was awesome).  Tornado DDT diving through the ropes.  This match was incredible and had no reason being a kickoff show match.  I can’t even really describe all the chaos that led to Big E taking half a dozen superkicks and the dueling frog splashes before the pinfall.  The Usos are your new Smackdown Tag Team Champions.  I don’t think anything on this card is going to overtake this match for the night.  Best of luck to the rest of the competitors, because they set the bar really damn high before the main show even got started.  So I guess today is Day One-ish?

And the Rest

• Dean and Seth were in the social media lounge.  Seth provided another example of how he wears hats like a douchebag.
• Peter Rosenberg wore an obnoxious Bobby “the Brain” Heenan inspired jacket.

• Elias is here.  Brooklyn actually wants to walk with Elias.  After throughly booing him for his first song, they actually cheer for an encore.  He moves past his normal fare, insulting whatever town he’s in to singing a song insulting Biggie and Jay-Z.  Brooklyn loved it.
• Roman channels his best Kurt Russell from Big Trouble in Little China

• Paul Heyman was advocating for his Beast only to be scared away by Braun Strowman “You talk too much!”

• There’s a bonkers KFC commercial and an appearance from The Heartbreak Colonel himself!

Let’s Start the Show

Matt is feeling good.  Jeremy is ready for the tag but he’s going to continue on his offensive.

John Cena Vs. Baron Corbin: Backstage Heat Kills

Little odd to see John Cena open a PPV, but if you’re going to keep the crowd alive (if they’ve managed to catch their breath) after that New Day-Usos match, you need something that gets everybody amped.  I preferred Corbin’s other entrance stuff, with the black cloud rolling in across the post-apocalyptic city scene.  The new music is fine, one of the less terrible efforts The CFO$ have had of late.  I focus a lot on production, which is odd considering I’m not the production guy in our two-man tandem.  Cena plays into the “Let’s Go Cena, Cena Sucks” chant letting Corbin know that the whole crowd is chanting and not a word of it is about him.  This match goes a lot like you’d expect, Corbin gets some offense and Super Cena turns it around.  Corbin dodges Cena attacks such as the Five Knuckle Shuffle to turn the match back in his favor.  Pretty standard Cena match stuff, and know that when I say standard, there are a number of Cena matches like last year’s Summerslam match against AJ Styles that are way beyond standard.  WE GET AN APPEARANCE FROM CORBIN’S STOMACH, but it doesn’t distract Big Match John, as John Cena lands the Attitude Adjustment and gets the pinfall for the win.

Natalya Vs. Naomi (c) for the SmackDown Women’s Championship

Byron Saxton wants you to believe that Naomi matched Natalya’s aggression and intensity throughout the entirety of this match, but it is not at all the reality of what we were given.  Natalya beat the ever-loving hell out of Naomi for the first three-quarters of this contest.  Naomi did start to get some impressive offense in at about that point in the match, but Natalya stuck with it.  Natalya wins via submission with the Sharpshooter.  If the commentary team has their details down, which…., this is only Natalya’s second women’s championship and her first in six years!  Ok, I know I was harsh on her in the prediction post, but good for her.  She finally got something to show for her continued loyalty to the E (both WWE and the E! Network).

After a couple of lame matches on the main card, Matt dives for the hot tag to Jeremy.  Let’s see if he can turn this around.

Big Cass Vs. Big Show with Enzo Amore in a Shark Cage

Again, Enzo seems to address the fact that no one likes him backstage.  It seems like Brooklyn is lukewarm on this match, despite how much Enzo is playing to the crowd.

It seems like Big Cass’ theme is evolving each week.  I think it was a rush job for CFO$ and they’re slowly fixing it.  Big Show starts strong but Cass quickly starts taking advantage of the injured hand of the giant.  Things seem to move slowly until the Cass locks Show in an armbar to elicit “Boring” chants from the Barclays Center.

Show took back control for a bit and hit a big chokeslam but that wasn’t enough to put Cass away.  Cass regained control and continued to pummel upon Show until…things got weird.

Enzo realized he could fit through the cage, that explains why the cage is so low.  But he needs a little help.  He starts to strip and pulls out some lube to help him fit through the cage.  He eventually squeezes through the bars, drops down to the ring, and immediately receives a Big Boot from Cass.

Cass finishes off Big Show just a few moments later.

What a pointless match.

Jeremy proved ineffective.  He tags Matt back in.

Randy Orton Vs. Rusev

Acting like this was a match is overselling it.  Randy Orton goes through his usual entrance, taking to the top rope for the “Viper” pose only to be attacked from behind by a crazed Rusev.  Rusev throws him back in the ring and tries to get the match started with Orton wounded.  When Orton finally gets to his feet and the bell rings, Orton slides under a running strike attempt from Rusev and lands an RKO and the pinfall.  This match may have been eight seconds long.  Orton’s entrance and his post pin celebration were both longer than match time.  I was really excited to watch these two go, so I’m kind of pissed now.

Just like the match, Matt immediately ate an RKO.  Luckily he landed in his corner and tagged Jeremy immediately back in.

Sahsa Banks Vs. Alexa Bliss (c) for the Raw Women’s Championship

Bayley is backstage to wish Sasha luck.  The Brooklyn crowd is booing her.  You guys do realize that you should be booing the terrible booking she had post Wrestlemania and not the actual insanely talented wrestler, right?

Sasha’s music hits.  I worry that someone has attacked her backstage as it took her quite some time.  By no, she’s wearing some weirdly elaborate peacock boss outfit that must have taken some time to put on.

The match is fierce.  I don’t know if I’m reading into it since they supposedly don’t like each other but maybe that is a factor here?

They go back in forth until Alexa throws Sasha to the floor causing her to land on her shoulder in a way similar to how Bayley got injured.  Sasha beats the count but finds herself on the receiving end of a Twisted Bliss.

So Sasha’s shoulder is messed up.  Commentary keeps on selling it.  Sasha can’t fully lock in the Banks Statement yet…we have a new Raw Women’s Champion.  I guess her shoulder didn’t really matter.

Sasha is your 4 time Raw Women’s Champion, not the 18 champion that I thought she would be.  She’ll get there by next Wrestlemania.

All that being said, this was a way better match than all the other main card matches so far.

The Demon Finn Bálor Vs. Bray Wyatt

The Demon King is here.  They really stepped up the tron graphics for this entrance.  I loved it.

Finn explodes out of the gate to raucous Too Sweet chants.  The Demon pays them no mind.  The Demon is focused on one task.  Club Bálor deserves that chant.

Bray struggles to get control of the match, eating blow after blow.  After an apron to floor suplex, he starts to even the score.  This match is truly 50/50.  Bálor gets close to setting up a Coup de Grace, only to be derailed by Wyatt.  Wyatt starts to control the match, then Bálor explodes.

Wyatt starts to get frustrated.  Things aren’t going his way.  He goes into his crab walk, but Finn pops back up.  Wyatt is flabbergasted.  The Demon is immune to Wyatt.  Bálor is able to hit the Coup de Grace for the win.

Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins Vs. Sheamus & Cesaro for the Raw Tag Team Championship

Cesaro with the spot of the night:  With the Brooklyn crowd distracted by a dumb beach ball, Cesaro saw and opportunity, disappeared into the crowd and ripped apart the beach ball.  Watch the damn match.

Dean and Seth aren’t the well-olied machine that we remember.  At least not as good as The Bar (is that really what we are calling them?).  Cesaro and Sheamus beat the living sh*t out of Rollins getting Dean and the crowd hot.  And finally we get that hot tag.

Dean superplexes Sheamus followed up shortly by Rollins with a beautiful Frog Splash.  It wasn’t enough for the 3 count.

Now it’s Dean’s turn to take a beating.  And Sheamus is beating down Rollins on the outside to keep him from interfering.  Dean takes a beating from Cesaro with Sheamus keeping Rollins at bay at on the outside.  Cesaro locked Dean in the Ceasaro Swing and quickly followed up with a Sharpshooter.  I won’t lie.  I thought it was over.  Rollins tried to break it but Sheamus hit him with a White Noise.

Dean was able to get out of it though.

At some point there was a cover on Dean that really hit a three count, but they said it was 2.9999999999.  I’m ok with it, because it would have been really anticlimactic.

The details start to get a little fuzzy for me here.  I know Dean invited more punishment.  Cesaro tags in Sheamus and the setup for a 2nd rope White Noise.  Rollins pops up to save the day.  He hits a couple Superkicks and knees, setting up Sheamus for the Dirty Deeds and the win.

Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins are your new WWE Raw Tag Team Champions!

Dark Match contributor Michele was pleased:

And so was Stone Cold:

Jeremy triumphantly tags Matt back in.

Kevin Owens Vs. AJ Styles (c) for the United States Championship
with Shane McMahon as Special Guest Referee

I’m just going to put it out there, I’ve been pretty bored since the Kickoff Show ended.  Tozawa-Neville was another solid performance from the 205 Live crew, New Day-Usos may end up in my top ten matches of the year, the NXT show was freakin’ great as always. That being said, my expectation for this match is extremely high, as these are two of the most talented guys on the Smackdown roster working with an always exciting wild card in Shane O’Mac.

For a while Owens was working submissions, trying to keep the pace slow.  At about the half way point, Shane started getting the shit beat out of him “inadvertently” as Owens pushed him into the ropes to knock AJ down, then he was checking on Owens and ate a springboard 450 Splash.  Both competitors worked frustrated with the officiating, but Shane has maintained a pretty straightforward match here.  AJ finally hit a Styles Clash, only to get a two count.  When a pop-up powerbomb got three beats of a count, Owens assumed he had won the match, but Shane waved it off because AJ had a foot on the rope.  A short shoving match between Owens and Shane creates a distraction to let AJ recover, hit a pele kick, followed by a Phenomenal Forearm, and finally (though he struggled like hell to get Owens up for it) a Styles Clash.  AJ Styles wins via pinfall following the Styles Clash.  This match was pretty well exactly what I expected it to be, and that’s not a bad thing.  It started off slowly, but got its sea legs and picked up quickly.  Let’s remember how high the “AJ Styles Summerslam” match bar is set, this didn’t reach those heights, but they say the secret to happiness is controlled expectations, right?.

Shinsuke Nakamura Vs. Jinder Mahal (c) for the WWE Championship

So, if you’re keeping count, the only two titles successfully defended since the start of NXT TakeOver: Brooklyn III last night Asuka’s NXT Women’s Championship victory and AJ Styles maintaining the United States Championship.

Those titles defended unsuccessfully: NXT Tag Team Championship, NXT Championship, Cruiserweight Championship, Smackdown Tag Team Championship, Smackdown Women’s Championship, Raw Women’s Championship, Raw Tag Team Championship.

So of the 8 title matches, 6 of them have changed hands.

This match was slower paced, but worked really well for both of their styles.  Another thing I’ve always wondered, why is there never any sort of repercussion when the GM consistently neglects to ban repeat offenders from ringside to maintain the integrity of major matches such as this?  Like, why are the Singh Brothers even allowed to be there when the expectation is that they will always get involved when it is necessary to aid in securing a win?  Did that not give away the finish here?  Oh, yeah, The Singh Brothers interfere here and Jinder Mahal hit the Khallas on the distraction to pick up the victory and retain.  For those keeping score, we’re at 3-6 for defending champions.

Samoa Joe Vs. Roman Reigns Vs. Braun Strowman Vs. Brock Lesnar (c) for the WWE Universal Championship

I watched this match while eating dinner since this was a really long show.  So it’s more of my impressions more than anything.

Brooklyn desperately wants Braun Strowman and I hope Vince hears that.  It’s not just because he murders Roman Reigns every other month.  It’s because he’s so over.  You know who’s not over?  Brock Lesnar.  No one is cheering for him.  No one cares about him.  They want a champion that will be on TV every single week.

Braun basically destroyed Brock starting out.  He put him through 2 tables with Running Powerslams.  Just when you thought he was finished with Brock…he’s not finished with Brock.  He flips the remaining table on top of Brock.  Heyman acts like Brock has died.  He’s taken out on a stretcher.  I’m sure this was done because Lesnar can’t make it through a match longer than 8 minutes.

Roman, Joe, and Braun go at it for awhile.  Strowman throws office chairs and stairs.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch.  Roman charges up his forearm.  It’s all wasting time until Brock’s inevitable return.

Brock comes back, attempts to get Braun in a German, and eats a spear from Roman.  It wasn’t enough to put Brock away though.  Roman tries for another spear but gets hoisted up for an F5 for a pinfall.  Brock Lesnar retains the Universal Championship.

Don’t get me wrong.  It was a great match, but a bummer Brock Lesnar ending for the second year in a row.  If anything good happened, it was that Braun never got suplexed or F5’ed.  Unless that happened when the network crashed on me?  Who knows.

TakeOver knocked it out of the park yesterday.  This card was just ok.

Until next year.